Berlin Fashion Week A/W 09/10: Bernard Wilhelm

A: Sometimes there is nothing like a big ol' dollop of seventies gay porn with my Italian roast espresso and bagel to start the week. Salopettes, skin tights synthetics and a cameo from Aphex Twin (Bottom picture, 2nd from the right) were on the menu in this collection, inspired by the 1976 Innsbruck winter Olympics... whatever that means... (Click pics to enlarge)

A: So far, so east London meets Vauxhall. Not entirely sure whether that's a good or bad thing.

C: It's a bad thing. Never the twain. It's like cats breading with dogs. No. No. No.

A: Double zipped ponchos. Love.

C: It's a joke right? One of those funny German jokes?

A: Tiered. Synthetic. Dungarees. What else is there to say really. Not even the sight of Aphex Twin in Olympic gear & a German bear can stop my eyes from drowning in that navy disaster.

C: If you could freeze vomit and spin it to make thread, these are the kind of clothes that would result. Get me two tampons for my poor bleeding eyes. Quick!

Drop dead gorgeous

C: In Minority Report Samantha Morton lounged about in an industrial bath dreaming about future murders, before grassing up the soon-to-be killer to the authorities. Well, I expect Tom Cruise will be knocking on my door at any moment, because the first guy I see wearing a pair of these will be getting dragged into the bushes. 

Drop-crotch shorts by Phillip Lim

Hot for '09!: Matthew Williamson for H&M & Balmain Menswear!

A: It seems more and more big designer labels are realizing the potential in the men's market. Since last week's report, discovering a growth in men's high street retailers, Matthew Williamson, Roland Mouret & Balmain have announced menswear lines for their '09 collections. Matthew Williamson will introduce his first ever menswear range as part of a capsule collection he is creating for H&M for Spring Summer '09 (expect tropical G.A.Y[!!!] prints & short shorts). Christpoper Decarnin is said to be introducing menswear into his Fall '09 collection, which will be presented in January - here's hoping that he can translate that 'fabulously trashy' look into menswear without making us look like rent boy versions of Ziggy Stardust. Finally, it is yet unknown when Roland Mouret plans to debut his menswear, but no doubt, his collection is sure to provide us some hot new tailoring options!

New Kid On The (Chopping) Block: Carlos Campos

Selections from Carlos Campos A/W 08'. Available at ForwardForward

(Click to enlarge)

A: While gallivanting through the pages of Revolution's online answer to Dover St. Market, ForwardForward, I stumbled across new Mexican designer Carlos Campos. Faster than a pensioner could yell 'HBOS!', I did a double take, grabbed my plastic and rammed it into my USB drive. Then I discovered US sites don't do Maestro ;(

Seriously though, this guys jackets are simple to D.I.E! The tailoring feels fresh without being garish and since it's a new designer (that Topman hasn't hired...yet!), you will probably be the only one wearing within a 20ft radius.

Here is a taste of his S/S 09 collection.

Carlos Campos S/S 09

(Click to enlarge)

A: Pretty Fa-rosh(!!) don't you think?

C: Mr Blue Jacket, did you get that forehead from Babylon 5 costume department, wtf?! Agree 100% - this guy's tailoring is hotter than camel shit.  

Even Mama Wintour Approves!

A: This may not be to everyone's liking (yes C, I am partially referring to you) and it may not really work off the catwalk, but who cares? J'adore & please gimme more Campos!

C: A, you don't need no more. You're campos enough. 

Chanel + Sartorialist = IGN*!!!!!!

A: Perk up kids! Hanukkah has come early this year!!! Everyone's favourite drool inducing men's style blog 'The Sartorialist' has teamed up with papa Karl to showcase some of the ever elusive Chanel menswear looks. Every season a few looks are thrown our way on the catwalk, but are rarely seen off it. The tweed coats are so 'tres'... The pearls on the other hand, 'trop'. Men in nan's favourites just screams Dr. Frankenfurter...

C: Karl 4 Sartorialist, you say, A? Looks more like Karl 4 M&S. Snooze et frites, chere Karl. Snooze et frites.

*Involuntary Gay Noise

I'm Sorry, Was That Yours?: Topman vs. Marc by Marc Jacobs

A: Oooooo, don't you just love a cute wearable knock off?! Snatch this baby for 30 pounds. Although, I must caution you, it's only a matter of time before you'll be seeing this piece on every Tom, Dick and 'Mary'. Useful tip: Buy it now. Wear it once. Get pics of you in it on Facebook. Pass it on to someone else for Xmas. Easy.

Ukranian Fashion Week S/S 09: Vincent Willem Warner

A: Hey Guess what people. It's Ukrainian fashion week! What you didn't hear? Neither did I. But since Eastern Europe is where the money's at, that's where I'll be, although I'm not sure I'll be rocking any of the looks shown at Willem Warner's show, for fear of accidentally turning out tricks to oligarchs while standing in line for my Starbucks. Let's take a closer look...


A: OK so the pants are hideous, and if we actually saw anyone in them, we would probably call the Folice, but the knitted top is pretty endearing. It would probably be even better if it was simply hooded, but hey, anything for a mention in the press right?!
C: Does he have a lobster down his pants to complete the red theme? Sure looks like it.


A: White on White = Sin. Even though I love the neckline on the top, the whole look overall just makes me want to detonate a cruise ship!
C: You see, I don't mind the white on white. What I do find turns my face vinegar-sour are those vile trainers. Like buying a gorgeous cake from Parisian patisserie and topping it with squirty cream.
A: Wow. Unbuttoned cuffs. Controversy.

A: Whoa.... Let's take 2 steps back shall we? I am guessing this is what straight jackets would look like if Julian McDonald designed them. I am sure his donning one right now in his tanning coffin.
C: Excuse me, how you gonna pick up your glass of Cristal in that get-up dahling? Exactly.

A: Sorry Mr. Willem Warner, the N'Sync look won't be retro for at least another 10 years.
C: I love how these models have waists like butchers' wives.

A:.... The problem with thi.. Oh Whatev's...

The Air Kissing Dance, courtesy of Tom & Karl.

A: Every once in a while, we all like a little fusion on our plate. For some it might be a serving of sushi with a side of salsa sauce, for others it may be pairing a vintage tee with a well tailored blazer. But for me there is nothing better than watching 2 divo's try and out gay one another in a verbal fuckfest of flattery. A few weeks ago fash legends Tom Ford & Karl Lagerfeld did an interview with Time magazine, mainly focusing on promoting Ford's menswear line. Here are some snippets with additional commentary from C&A.

Karl: Tom's clothes have nothing to do with the old clothes. It's the idea of them. It shares the mood. But in fact they are made differently, and also, in ready-to-wear, this kind of quality didn't exist. They are beautifully made. They are weightless on the body.

Tom: Well, thank you, Karl.

A: Airkisses galore!
C: Air-rim more like. I do hope they flossed after that disgusting display of verbal ass-hole munching.

Karl: But when you wear them, you don't feel like they are English clothes because those are heavy. I like that you took that mood and used another technique. It's like Chanel.

A: Me, Me, Me, Me, MEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure you don’t forget that Chanel makes the best clothes in the world kids, otherwise uncle Karl will put a double c’ed lump of coal in your sock this xmas.
C: Can you imagine how much that lump of coal would sell for on eBay?! I was told Chanel do a daft product every year. I'm trying to track down the CC boomerang at the moment. Truefact readers.

Tom: It's true. A lot of people think a high armhole is restrictive, but it gives you total movement because it's cut right up to your arm.

A: There is nothing like a sharp dagger wedged in between your armpit and chest, it’s really a sign of high quality tailoring when your blazer cuts off the blood supply to your arms. It creates a comfortably numb sensation. Duh!

You can read the full interview here.

NY Fashion Week Report: 3.1 Phillip Lim S/S 09

A: Every September & January, style editors, models, buyers, celebutants, divas & various assistants and entourage members don their finest apparel and flock between the four major fashion capitals of the globe in order to get the first scoop on what's hot next season. Thankfully for us, we have the blogosphere, style.com and the comfort of our own bedrooms to write from and bring you tidbits from various shows, so we don't have to move an inch.

Unfortunately though, most of the runways in these months are dedicated to the female specimen, but a few select designers (who were probably to cheap too cough enough dough to shell out on a separate show) chose to integrate their fashion shows. Yay for us right?! Not so much this week, since the fash pack has stationed itself in New York, the land of casual sportswear, henceforth a severe lacking of anything new and fresh to report on.

But this morning while eyeballing the Rodarte women's collection, a shining thumbnail gleamed into my peripheral encasing a pair of men's snake skin lace ups, feverishly clicking on it I discovered the men's segment of the 3.1 Phillip Lim collection

A: Although only about 7 or 8 looks were shown on the runway, they were all I really needed to replace the usual double espresso shot I have on my way to work this morning, and the accessories were TO D.I.E!!! The 2 toned snake skin lace ups made me have an aneurysm, as did the tan coloured envelop document folder *fetches a drool bucket*.



A: Ok, distractions aside (and in an imaginary shopping bag), the clothes were effortlessly gorgeous. Fitted double breasted jackets were paired up with loose fitting trousers, or 7/8th length ones, snake skinned beauties with mesh fabric socks and geometric print tee's with statement neck pieces.

Let's hope next year will bring us a full men's collection by Mr. Lim.

Dicing The Collections: Versace A/W 08

A: Versace. Just saying the word makes you feel cheap. Over the past decade this brand has come to symbolize a new breed of 'nouvelle riche' through the use of tacky fabrics, nauseating prints & flesh baring cuts. So it was to my surprise when I saw this A/W collections from the mock-croc skinned Donatella, which although quite bold, is borderline minimalist for Versace. (Click the pictures for a much higher quality)

C: Blue teamed with black: love. Shiny suit fabric: Ford Mondeo.

A: One of my favourite pieces of this collection. The asymmetrical buttons are fantastic and I'm guessing could be very flattering (until I see it on a size XXL man...). Somebody has to do a 'decent' knock-off of this. Fast!
A: Well. I am guessing Donatella has to keep her main customers happy. Even Snoop needs something to wear at his Aspen lodge in January underneath his mink coat.


C: Chunk, double-breasted, blue/black - as right as bacon, lettuce & tomato.

A: What is it with Versace and pimp looks? The length of this coat is soooooooooo unflattering, unless you are 7 ft tall. The head to toe plum theme is also a little bit nauseating. Not Hot.

A: Much better. Pea coats are so much more flattering on men, of all sizes, especially since they tend to disguise those post-xmas love handles we tend to get after all those puddings (& stuffing & champagne & nuts & ........................ ). Again, love those buttons.
C: Plum pud I can stomach. Various shades of plum trousers, coats, ties, shirts all at once makes a guy look like he was dressed by Dulux Colour at B&Q. Retch.

A: Hrrrrrrnnnnnkkk! The blazer makes me wanna turn tricks! Into the look book!
C: Don't understand what's going on with that lapel, but knowledge is over-rated anyway. It looks hawt.
A: This coat is something out of a Sean John look book. Seriously, who would wear this other than P Diddy?
A: Ok so, back to the good stuff. The biker look is a big theme this season and, obviously, the essential item is a good, well fitted biker jacket. I actually quite like that Donatella made a biker jacket in brown, since black leather can be a bit harsh on lighter skin tones.
A: Ummmm, Columbine. Much?
C: I'm calling my mum. I'm scared. Weedy pschycos in long leather coats spells an end where your limbs are going to the tip in separate bin bags.

A: I cannot wait to see some queen rocking this look down the high street, only so I can pelt St. Tropez all over it!
A: That suit is about as flattering on him as a crack pipe was on Whitney Houston. WTF is that tacky fabric?
A: Ooooo, I think we missed a small detail in that photo. Lets Zoom in....


C: Ms Brightman, this is your 5 minute call. 5 minutes please.

"I'm sorry, was that yours?": Burberry vs. Topman

A: Upon my daily perusal of Topman's website I stumbled across this winter overcoat which bares a striking resemblance to the one worn by Sam Reily in the Burberry A/W campaign. Thinking to myself "Yey, 90% Burberry knock off for 75 quid" I sprinted over to my local flagship only to discover that it fits like a mutated glove, causing my body to look like Mickey Rourke's face, after he took up boxing. Hanger Appeal: 10. Sex Appeal: 3.

C: That's why I never buy clothes on the online. Sure the pics may make you dribble more than an hour in front of Xtube, but how's it gonna hang? There's no way you're going to know until your try it on, and until Second Life gets touchy feely there's nothing to beat First Life and real shopping. I mean, would you order a boyfriend over the internet? Oh. Wait. Scrub that...

Rei of Light

A: Winter just got quirkier peeps! Comme Des Garcons very own Rei Kawabuko has done a range for H&M! It'll be a pretty standard CdG affair: bold prints, deconstructed tailoring, lots of black etc... But at prices which I can actually afford (hopefully..... ). I am gunning for that colour block shirt. Forget See Love Buy. Smash & Grab!

C: Love the peacoat.Want. But wait. The model - let's call him Sven for the sake of argument. Now, Sven, when you're photoshoping him, is a great looking bloke. Yet the I-just-got-off-my-shift-at-the-chippy hair has an amazingly transformative effect. Sven goes from handsome to well-maybe-after-3-pints, just like that. Point is: hair. No matter what they heck's going on below the neck, whether designed by Rei Kawabuko or Ray Meers, hair has the power to totally knock the edge off an outfit. So Sven, do please take two bottles into the shower next time and do yourself and the clothes the justice they deserve.

Dicing the Collections: Prada A/W 08

A: Right now the highstreet is awash with tumbleweed, enshrining transitional boredom with nothing more on offer than graphic tee's, gingham reinterpretaions (come on guys, we all have at least 2 shirt's in varying colour schemes) yada yada yada... So to pass the boredom, here at Maison Versayce we serve up the designer looks that are to be passed on to us common folks over the next few months. With added commentary flavour from C&A. First up, Prada (Click the pictures for a much, much higher quality).

A: Playing with shape and form is all fine and dandy when you want to get your collections in edgier fashion magazines, but darling Miucia's play on our beloved waistcoat puzzles me more than a piece of kosher bacon. I'll be sure to wear this when I want to avoid getting speghetti sauce on favourite shirt.

C: I love the way the baggy-jeans-showing-your-pants thing, so current in 2005 has percolated into men's tailoring here. It's so inventive. Really credible. Really works. Pas!

A: Sorry, not even Julian Clarey would be caught mincing around in this shiteous outfit. And what is with that bag, I'm sure I spotted it in the half price bin at Accessorize last Xmas.

C: Cardinal sin alert!!! Men's trousers should never ever ever ever in a million and 1 years accentuate the hips, as it's devastatingly emasculating. It is an M&S cut for the woman of a certain age. I'm gagging with disdain.

A: Now even the gays can slosh around in mud at the VIP tent at V festival next year with these babies.
C: Reminds me of those halloween skeleton costumes with the bones printed on. Except in bile yellow. Nice touch.
A: Redrum! Redrum! Red is going to be a big trend this season, but this look is a law suit waiting to happen due to damaged retinas left, right & centre.

A: Supremely Delish! The diamond shaped lapels and the colour put this little number in my fall look book.
C: But not with wellies. It's a sure fire way to look a total fick.

A: Abra Cadabra! I wanna reach out and grab this fine outfit. Each one of these pieces could be worn seperately, but all together, two words, Graham Norton.
C: Your two words hit bullseye.

A: Oh yes. Now we are talking, this outfit is xmas party perfection. It's about textured fabrics with a touch of colour highlighting.
C: I think fabrics with coloured highlights or scheens look a bit, East-meets-West. Reminds me of Ciro Ceterio. It runs up to me and shouts "cheap & tacky" in my ear. I turn in disgust.

A: Note to Burton/Mark&Sparks/River Island. Make a carbon copy of this shirt ASAFP!
C: Don't get the superfluous collar thing. But I'm listening...

A: Look! When your model is falling asleep 20 steps on to the catwalk, you know your outfit is boring.

The Sartorialist for Gap?!

A: Unless you have been in a total fashion coma for the past year or so, you probably will have visited the godfather of all men's fashion blogs, The Sartorialist, which through shots of anonymous or not-so-anonymous male street walkers gives a masterclass on how to wear certain attire properly. So it was to combined horror and delight that I discovered this picture on my Google Reader this morning next to my Coffee & Celery stick...




A: Scott Schuman!!!! The Sartorialist himself working the crap out of an Oxford shirt...... For a Gap Fall Campaign!! ONTD!!!

C: Great strap line "Look for your own inspiration". It's really motivating. I may put it up above my desk and sigh each time it catches my eye. My take would have been "Look for someone else to do your ironing". If shirts are a bitch to iron, GAP's Oxford is a frickin rotweiler. Beware of Dog.

Mens Fall Campaigns

Lanvin

A: Catholic School Boys w. Trust Funds Pt. 1
C: Dear God, hear my prayer: a Lanvin underwear campaign please. Same models. Cheers big beard.

Tom Ford Menswear

A: Christmas party looks? Already? I'm still in shorts?!
C: So that's what you get if you cross George Michael with a sofa. Liberace's lifting an eyebrow in his grave.

Kenzo

A: I guess I now know who will be buying up ad spaces in AXM & Attitude magazines this winter.
C: Pic left is so amazingly pointless. It's more like an ad to get gays to drink Blossom Hill.

Calvin Klein White Label

A: Sorry, I'm too busy prying my eyes open with matchsticks..... YAWN!
C: Go on! Shove her in. You know you want to.

Benetton

A: Maroon patterned tanks in Autumn. Yes. The Rest. No.
C: They make robots so pretty these days.


A: Fug

A: Fuglier
C: Benetton: 3 decades of the same old shit.

Dior

C: IGN that collar. The hand's a bit creepy tho. I imagine his fingers as being unnaturally long. Like ET.

Calvin Klein Underwear

A: I just love the irony of ads like these, due mainly to the high probability that person paying 40 pounds for a pair of these tighty whities looks like this...