These Boots Were Made For Mincing (and that's just what we'll do...)

A: A while back we showed you guys a few sole flavoured treats to warm up our winter. Well guess what? It's still cold, in fact, I just cut a steak with my nipple. Unfortunately, this season the high street seems to have maxed out all its resources in the 'Homme' department making all things plaid & slim fit.

The boot department as a result, has been severely lacking. Mainly consisting of clunky 'Westwood-esque' copies & sheepskin lined monstrosities that are mostly suited to those who favour a *take a deep breath* worker style jean *exhale*. Looks like you are going to give your loved ones lumps of coal this Xmas if want any of the following babies (apart from the ASOS grey suede boots, only 45 pounds, the cost of a 'good' night out).

From Top to Bottom: Alexander Mcqueen, Balenciaga (both available at Browns), Asos, Narrative, Narrative

Obama-Win Kenobi, you're our only hope

C: "Walk on water Obama! Walk!!"

In this allegorical picture BO is depicted as a Jesus/Kanye West chimera, whilst the gays (represented by the giddy white horse of course) dance at his right elbow in anticipation of a MASSIVE party. In his hand he holds a blingin' gold buckle: the security of the Western banking system, safe in his hands, even if a bit wet.

However, a cynical undertone is sounded by the presences of flying roses, paraphrasing the chorus of the Outkast hit Caroline: I know you like to think yo shit don't stank, but lean a little bit closer, see, roses still smell like boo-boo-boo - a warning that once these fizzy waters settle, the scales will fall from our eyes and we'll see once again that all politicians are made of the same do-do.

But for now, from C&A...may the Force be with you BO (ps where's the party gonna be, we wanna ride on a white horse???)

A: Speak for yourself C, I'm voting for Oprah!

Tick My Box Santa!

Timex digitals available at Asos

C: I love love love these. I love these with the Force, to the power 3, and with all the Honour of Grey Skull. My grandparents face a 3-day eBay auction so I can snaffle the lot. You see Elton John may not know how to dress, but the bastard sure knows how to shop: one in every colour shopkeeper and don't spare the horses.

My favourite two are the white and gold, because they look - well, so CHEAP! Santa listen up: make my stocking digital this Christmas and see if I can't give a quick "digital" present of my own for your trouble.



A: Haven't Urban Outfitters been stocking these since Cokate was dating Johnny Depp? There is a thin line between cute cheap and just N.A.S.T.Y, and the white one not only crosses it, it stampedes through it like a council mum on the first day of sale at Mk One. Love the Grey & Aqua colored ones though.... I want this for christmas santa baby....

Chanel + Sartorialist = IGN*!!!!!!

A: Perk up kids! Hanukkah has come early this year!!! Everyone's favourite drool inducing men's style blog 'The Sartorialist' has teamed up with papa Karl to showcase some of the ever elusive Chanel menswear looks. Every season a few looks are thrown our way on the catwalk, but are rarely seen off it. The tweed coats are so 'tres'... The pearls on the other hand, 'trop'. Men in nan's favourites just screams Dr. Frankenfurter...

C: Karl 4 Sartorialist, you say, A? Looks more like Karl 4 M&S. Snooze et frites, chere Karl. Snooze et frites.

*Involuntary Gay Noise

A: And here's a little something spooky for you...


A:.... A picture of Julien Macdonald.... See kids, fashion can be scary....

I'm Sorry, Was That Yours?: Topman vs. Marc by Marc Jacobs

A: Oooooo, don't you just love a cute wearable knock off?! Snatch this baby for 30 pounds. Although, I must caution you, it's only a matter of time before you'll be seeing this piece on every Tom, Dick and 'Mary'. Useful tip: Buy it now. Wear it once. Get pics of you in it on Facebook. Pass it on to someone else for Xmas. Easy.

Gift Ideas for Him: Heidi Mottram's Eel Skin Leather Goods

A: Gawd! It's not even Halloween yet, and they are already turning on the Christmas lights! Crunch or no Crunch, we still want to see something shiny under that tree come December. All those of you who are thinking of getting your beloved male friend/relative/partner a handy wallet, guess what. We already have at least 3. Heidi Mottram's eel skin wallet designs would be a hot little alternative to most of the high street fodder in coin catching department. They are relatively cheap for exotic skinned accessories and come in a multitude of colours and designs.

Ukranian Fashion Week S/S 09: Vincent Willem Warner

A: Hey Guess what people. It's Ukrainian fashion week! What you didn't hear? Neither did I. But since Eastern Europe is where the money's at, that's where I'll be, although I'm not sure I'll be rocking any of the looks shown at Willem Warner's show, for fear of accidentally turning out tricks to oligarchs while standing in line for my Starbucks. Let's take a closer look...


A: OK so the pants are hideous, and if we actually saw anyone in them, we would probably call the Folice, but the knitted top is pretty endearing. It would probably be even better if it was simply hooded, but hey, anything for a mention in the press right?!
C: Does he have a lobster down his pants to complete the red theme? Sure looks like it.


A: White on White = Sin. Even though I love the neckline on the top, the whole look overall just makes me want to detonate a cruise ship!
C: You see, I don't mind the white on white. What I do find turns my face vinegar-sour are those vile trainers. Like buying a gorgeous cake from Parisian patisserie and topping it with squirty cream.
A: Wow. Unbuttoned cuffs. Controversy.

A: Whoa.... Let's take 2 steps back shall we? I am guessing this is what straight jackets would look like if Julian McDonald designed them. I am sure his donning one right now in his tanning coffin.
C: Excuse me, how you gonna pick up your glass of Cristal in that get-up dahling? Exactly.

A: Sorry Mr. Willem Warner, the N'Sync look won't be retro for at least another 10 years.
C: I love how these models have waists like butchers' wives.

A:.... The problem with thi.. Oh Whatev's...

The Air Kissing Dance, courtesy of Tom & Karl.

A: Every once in a while, we all like a little fusion on our plate. For some it might be a serving of sushi with a side of salsa sauce, for others it may be pairing a vintage tee with a well tailored blazer. But for me there is nothing better than watching 2 divo's try and out gay one another in a verbal fuckfest of flattery. A few weeks ago fash legends Tom Ford & Karl Lagerfeld did an interview with Time magazine, mainly focusing on promoting Ford's menswear line. Here are some snippets with additional commentary from C&A.

Karl: Tom's clothes have nothing to do with the old clothes. It's the idea of them. It shares the mood. But in fact they are made differently, and also, in ready-to-wear, this kind of quality didn't exist. They are beautifully made. They are weightless on the body.

Tom: Well, thank you, Karl.

A: Airkisses galore!
C: Air-rim more like. I do hope they flossed after that disgusting display of verbal ass-hole munching.

Karl: But when you wear them, you don't feel like they are English clothes because those are heavy. I like that you took that mood and used another technique. It's like Chanel.

A: Me, Me, Me, Me, MEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure you don’t forget that Chanel makes the best clothes in the world kids, otherwise uncle Karl will put a double c’ed lump of coal in your sock this xmas.
C: Can you imagine how much that lump of coal would sell for on eBay?! I was told Chanel do a daft product every year. I'm trying to track down the CC boomerang at the moment. Truefact readers.

Tom: It's true. A lot of people think a high armhole is restrictive, but it gives you total movement because it's cut right up to your arm.

A: There is nothing like a sharp dagger wedged in between your armpit and chest, it’s really a sign of high quality tailoring when your blazer cuts off the blood supply to your arms. It creates a comfortably numb sensation. Duh!

You can read the full interview here.

Pins and needles

C: Three things which determine if a man is still eligible to wear skinny jeans. 1) Age 2) Being in rock'n'roll. 3) Having the BMI of a heroin addict. La Moss' last be-dicked accessory scored 3 out of 3. Congratulations Pete, you're a winner. Jamie, with his 1 out of 3, is looking a bit sausage-legged and desperately "youthful". But check the double-breasted pin-stipped suit jacket!! 80's stockbroker is a look so ironically now! BUY BUY BUY!!!

A: The things men will do for a piece of Kate. Squirt crack blood on oil canvases, Make horrible covers of good 60's songs, the list goes on..... Shoving toothpaste back into a tube ala Mr. Kills seems like an easy break here... Unfortunately, despite the lush DB piece, that fringe needs a serious work over, what did he cut it with? A machete?

Boot-y call

C: Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious by this selection of boots from the highstreet. By some act of necromancy it seems shoe designers knew universal poverty was on its merry way, and have provided the crunched consumer with the some lickable boots that shout poverty proudly: step forward the hob-nail boot. Your time is now.

From top: Costume Nation, Hudson, Hudson, Marc Jacobs, private joke

Versayce's Armagaddon European Tour: Part 1, Venice

C: Doom! Doom! Listen to it, sounding out wherever you turn like a deafening cathedral bell. Doom! The world's ending. It's everywhere: western banks are disintegrating like Hobnobs in hot tea, the country keeps flooding like some incontinent old tramp, the ice caps are now mere kippahs, kids glibly killing each other like they're living out Grand Theft Auto and global warming has yet again failed to provide us with a decent summer. Doom! So, before this 8 billion car pile-up happens on Global Highway 66 - I'm flicking two-fingers up to it all and going on some holidays. First stop Venice! After all, with these rising oceans, it'll be a baroque Atlantis before November's out. Here's my fash report...

No one actually lives in Venice, you know. It's a just ceaseless tide of tourists, coming in by train, coach and monster sea liners which must appear like a fridge-freezer does to an ant. I think even the people serving in bars and shops are bused in every morning from the Slovakian boarder. Do you equate tourists with style? I do not. Tourists dress for *gag* comfort. Comfort may be easy on the body, but it's is an offence to the eyes. Look...
And that's despite:
Clearly some potential, but no evidence of style anywhere, despite 3 days walking the streets. The only thing that's idiosyncratic in the sartorial life of Venice, to its waterways (and probably its gay saunas) are the gondoliers. After some years of getting away with wearing what they liked (t-shirts with the slogan "We're raping your wallet" perhaps?), they must now sport a strict traditional uniform, which has a simple charm and shows off their big arms.

And that's about it. Slim pickings, eh? Next stop: Berlin!

High Street Tailoring Picks: Topman Design & Burton Heritage

From Left: Topman Design Suit, Burton Heritage Suit

A: Let's face it kids, if ya ain't got no dolla in that pocket, finding a well tailored, adequately fitted and good quality suit on the high street is not a simple task. In fact, it would probably easier and cheaper to buy a scabby old vintage suit, get it dry cleaned and heavily altered. But who has the time or patience (besides shopaholic whores like us...). While scouring the online shop offerings of some of British retails biggest players, I stumbled across these 2 fantastic examples of affordable modern tailoring.

The first suit (on the left), is a snow flecked tweed suit with skinny trousers and satin lapels, which add a soft luxurious touch to the rough texture of the jacket. The trousers are quite versatile and could be worn for work on their own and then with the jacket for evening affairs.

The second suit consists of a double breasted prince of wales check jacket from Burton's new Heritage line alongside slim fit trousers which should provide a nice alternative to all those pinstripe single breasted debaucheries you may have noticed on the bus/tube to work.

C: Guys are weirdly snobbish about high street brands. Most women I know would shrivel and die if cut off from their constant feed of cheap rags from Primark and New Look etc. Well, maybe with this recession snapping at our heels, more men will get over themselves and take a look in "lepar" shops like Burton, New Look, Next, Littlewoods. Burton, has really turned its game around over the past 4 years, so go have a look and see what you've been missing. It's new Heritage line, joining the Black Label line is something only those with more money than sense should turn their noses up at.

Dicing the Collections: Thom Browne S/S 2009

A: Thom Browne, the man responsible for the 'shrunken suit' look (mid wrist jackets, calf length trousers) showed his new collection in NY this month, and the results were unfortunately more mixed than a bag of revels (come on, you know you only have two flavours in mind when you buy that packet). The tennis themed collection more often than not was just simply ridic!

A: Romper suits, Tulle underskirts paired with blazers, bath robes dressed up with evening coats? WTF?! Don't get me wrong, I love innovation in menswear and most of my blazers barely graze my elbow but come on.... Is this man trying to create new wearable looks for us or just trying to grab some column inches. Desperately TTH (trying too hard)!!!

C: Model 3 from the left's face sums it all up: I feel more of a dick than an army tent full of Thai whores.

A: Tennis skirts for men, haven't we seen those before? Oh yeah, on your average Wednesday Tranny themed night at your local gay hot spot! Unfortunately, most of the men rocking this mishap will be 40 year old men who chose to find a new 'softer' self rather than buy a Porsche during their mid life crisis. And the trousers hanging off the balls, to quote Project Runway judge Nina Garcia "I have alot of problems with this look, that's just the tip of the iceberg".

But not all was bad...


A: Nautical jackets with silk piping, short suits with fabulous prints , jacquard printed fabrics all served as fresh, easy(er) to wear looks that wouldn't bring on the gay bashing outside of major capital cities. I am particularly loving the belted detail on the jacquard shorts.

C: Model far left - "Lawyer seeks buxom dominatrix for naughty school boy spanking sessions"


A: The accessories were rather cute too, although nothing to really worth getting wrinkles over... The patent toe caps idea could have been pushed a bit further... Perhaps some 2 toned ones next season please?

Oh and one last thing....


A: I'm sorry, but I'm completely at loss about what to say about this outfit, since I have gone spontaneously blind, C help me out here please...

C: 40-Hate, Mr Browne.

NY Fashion Week Report: 3.1 Phillip Lim S/S 09

A: Every September & January, style editors, models, buyers, celebutants, divas & various assistants and entourage members don their finest apparel and flock between the four major fashion capitals of the globe in order to get the first scoop on what's hot next season. Thankfully for us, we have the blogosphere, style.com and the comfort of our own bedrooms to write from and bring you tidbits from various shows, so we don't have to move an inch.

Unfortunately though, most of the runways in these months are dedicated to the female specimen, but a few select designers (who were probably to cheap too cough enough dough to shell out on a separate show) chose to integrate their fashion shows. Yay for us right?! Not so much this week, since the fash pack has stationed itself in New York, the land of casual sportswear, henceforth a severe lacking of anything new and fresh to report on.

But this morning while eyeballing the Rodarte women's collection, a shining thumbnail gleamed into my peripheral encasing a pair of men's snake skin lace ups, feverishly clicking on it I discovered the men's segment of the 3.1 Phillip Lim collection

A: Although only about 7 or 8 looks were shown on the runway, they were all I really needed to replace the usual double espresso shot I have on my way to work this morning, and the accessories were TO D.I.E!!! The 2 toned snake skin lace ups made me have an aneurysm, as did the tan coloured envelop document folder *fetches a drool bucket*.



A: Ok, distractions aside (and in an imaginary shopping bag), the clothes were effortlessly gorgeous. Fitted double breasted jackets were paired up with loose fitting trousers, or 7/8th length ones, snake skinned beauties with mesh fabric socks and geometric print tee's with statement neck pieces.

Let's hope next year will bring us a full men's collection by Mr. Lim.

Keep that motor running!

I could teach that Siegfried Fraud a thing or two about psychology. Today, whilst frazing in the over-grown jungle of Oxford Street I experience that rare, primordial phenomena: the Snatch-Buy. Whereas the IGN (involuntary gay noise) comes from a place beyond our conscious control (the subconscious eh, Fraud?); the Snatch-Buy is from the lowest level of our brains. It's a motor instinct.

There I was having little more than a disinterested glance over H&M flagship's usual unappealing stirfry of men's accessories, when BAM!! Without even the split second it takes to IGN, my hand shot out and grabbed. And at the same instant my brain froze and fist tightened, as possession of the article became the sole focus of living for the next few moments.

Fortunately in the modern world we rarely (apart from sale time) have to fight to make something ours. We invented the credit card for that. World peace followed. Even better that this particular Snatch-Buy costs less than a packet of 20 (£4.99).

About a year ago I tried to make one of these babies out of an old bowtie and some fabric. The missing element from this was any practical talent on my part. It made the Heidelberg disaster look like a grazed knee. Trust. I do love it when the High Street catches up with what I want.


A: Order has been placed to London Versayce HQ for one of these. C will send one to avoid a possible death sentence. Add some lace to this baby for full dark romance effect.

Nuts & Belts: Hip Hugging Goodness

A: When planning one's seasonal wardrobe, the belt is an item often glossed over. This simple accessory can really bring an outfit together though, and help complete a look. In line with this coming fall's themes/trends I thought it might be useful to offer up some leathery waist cinchers. Please notice the absence of any belts baring the words "Jesus Loves You". Sorry guys, any belts baring over sized logos or silly phrases tend to give an impression to the general public that you have extreme brain leakage.

Clockwise from top: Asos Platted Belt, Mark & Spencer Lizard Effect Stripe Leather Belt, Topman Brown Lizard Belt, Burton Perforated Leather Belt, Burton Grey Skinny Belt, Asos Studded Belt.

Chuck Bass is Back!!

A: Well well, for those of us in not so sunny England, hasn't the summer been a tad bleak? Horrible menopausal weather, Tory takeover, the return of casual sweatpants on the streets, I could go on... Thankfully, autumn has begun, which means better clothes, less beer guts and most importantly, new seasons of our fave American shows. Probably the most highly anticipated for me was the return of Gossip Girl, which began its second season yesterday in the states. Over the past few months, every fashion mag has been focusing their pages on the clothes worn by the ladies of this wildly entertaining teen soap . Now it's time for Maison Versayce to take a glimpse into the men's fashion in the show, mainly worn by the character Chuck Bass (who like every rich New Yorker is vacationing at the Hamptons). Time to rate those looks!

A: Casual & sporty. In short, American fashion. Just OK. Cute hat tho. C+

C: Pete Doherty does beach wear. Stripes: on deck chairs timeless; on guys 2005. D

A: I loved this check shirt. The mixture of Blue, Orange & Cream is delish. Would have been nicer as a long sleeve shirt tho. B

C: Did he pull those flowers from under his shirt, cus it sure looks like there are a few more presents under the Christmas tree. No charm in this look. It's totally perfunctory. D

A: Part of me is screaming "OMFG! Where can I buy this shirt!", while the other part in me is screaming "Paul & Shark meets tacky queen on cruise". B-

C: S'ok. C

A: Gak Attack! Pistachio is a color that rarely should be seen outside of Hagen Daz carton. Quite frankly that colour and the mixture with the check print is nauseating. F

C: FUCK! Willy Wonker meets Will Young. These colours remind me of bathroom suites from the early 80s. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeedick. Ungraded.

A: Abercrombie & Fitch product placement alert. Bleugh!

C: Hey, who's the father Chuck? Wearing a shirt the extends below the gut back onto narrower hips is the sartorial version of jazz hands whilst you fuck up your solo. Good to see he's accessorising with a Diet Coke. C for (weight control) effort.

A: OK, so technically this ain't The Bass, but I love the mixture of different creams and textures and especially the collar on his shirt. B+

C: Points lost because the tie just isn't elegant enough for a winged-collar; look how it bulks around the neck. I do like the wit in attempting to dress up linen though. B

A: At the Hamptons white party, Chuck decides to mix it up a bit with some black piping on his lapels and black & cream neckerchief. I usually hate all white outfits on men (or women, actually), but the Bass really pulls this off amazingly. A+