I got it at Versayce

Caution! Your Brain May Explode...

2009-06-30T21:06:00.007+01:00

The announcement of celeb design collaboration usually result's in a roll of the eyes, a flick to the next page, or a boredom related coma (i.e. Lauren Conrad's collection). But the announcement of Kanye's shoe line for LV last year actually sounded promising (sort of.... like the announcement of a new flavour walkers crisps), and the results, J.O.F! (Jaw on Floor)

The fusion of trainer and loafer styles is making my plastic wanna' go spastic! Tasseled shoe laces, neon, colour blocking... so fresh.
Want.

Update!!: Hot new promo vid from the LV emporium.

Mandal Crush!!!: Do Me Demeulemeester!

2009-02-17T23:42:00.003Z

A: Just in time for Spring! An irrational want! One that be completely unjustifiable in the face of economic turmoil. One that goes with nothing in my wardrobe. One that I will probably look at next year, and edit in to my Fash Faux Pas pile (also known as the 'yellow bin liner'). But such is the charm of these Demeulemeester mandals that evokes my plastic fantastic from its wallet!

A/W 09-10 Preview: Band Of Outsiders Kill It(!!) in NY

2009-02-15T20:05:00.004Z

A: For once it's nice to see that in a combined presentation of both men's & women's attire that the male counterparts don't merely act as background wallpaper, but actually hold their own in the midst of a sea of Manolo designed stilettos and pinstripe tights. I haven't even broken in my Topman deckies and BOA already have me drooling over suede boot options. Also, the camel toggle blazer.... SQUEAL!!!

High street take note: Look. Think. Copy.

(Click Pics to Enlarge)

A: OK so maybe the whole chequered suit is a tad Huggy Bear, but worn separately, I see potential...

Berlin Film Festival

2009-02-11T00:37:00.012Z

C: The Berlin Film Festival, or Berlinale as it should properly be called, is a big deal. It's the largest publicly attended film festival in the world, and every year its red carpets see some decent A-list shoe leather. It's also a massive industry event...so everyone dresses up real nice to impress the moguls with moolah. Lily Cole, Kate Winslet and Tilda (surname not needed) lead the way for the ladies, whilst I found these gents who'd scrubbed up nice...

C: All very tone-on-tone sober from Francois Ozon, Clive Owen & Keanu. Looks which can easily be copied by any gent with access to a city centre H&M. But a Gold Bear goes to the lovely Gael for this black number fizzed up with a sassy belt.
A: Dear Keanu. Please refrain from future attempts to cover up your kangaroo pounch with a wide tie. Also, get your hair did. Remember, you are in Europe now, we have standards.

Berlin Fashion Week A/W 09/10: Bernard Wilhelm

2009-02-09T21:49:00.008Z

A: Sometimes there is nothing like a big ol' dollop of seventies gay porn with my Italian roast espresso and bagel to start the week. Salopettes, skin tights synthetics and a cameo from Aphex Twin (Bottom picture, 2nd from the right) were on the menu in this collection, inspired by the 1976 Innsbruck winter Olympics... whatever that means... (Click pics to enlarge)

A: So far, so east London meets Vauxhall. Not entirely sure whether that's a good or bad thing.

C: It's a bad thing. Never the twain. It's like cats breading with dogs. No. No. No.

A: Double zipped ponchos. Love.

C: It's a joke right? One of those funny German jokes?

A: Tiered. Synthetic. Dungarees. What else is there to say really. Not even the sight of Aphex Twin in Olympic gear & a German bear can stop my eyes from drowning in that navy disaster.

C: If you could freeze vomit and spin it to make thread, these are the kind of clothes that would result. Get me two tampons for my poor bleeding eyes. Quick!

Let's Toggle!

2009-02-06T23:14:00.008Z

A: Hey dah-lings! Good Jan/Feb? Didn't think so. You would think with the challenge of the big black tidal of a problem called the 'recession', the high street would try to entice the average male consumer with better than sub-par reinterpretations of previous years trends. Thus we have the ever-dreaded 'transitional' phase. So it's up to peeps like moi & C to find some golden threads in the tumbleweed haystacks amounting across high streets around the world. One cute mini-trend that can be eyeballed currently is the duffle coat, especially in the cropped variation, which is actually a nice little alternative for those of us who don't suit Barbour coats (or just can't be bothered to wax them...)

From Left to Right: Topman, Some Catalogue (?!), Asos.com

C: And what about this moody number, from a British label that's new to me, Fullcircle. Browsing their site, that little word that means so much was never far from my lips: WANT

Revolting or Revolution?

2009-02-06T09:41:00.001Z

Very limited availability from Oki-ni

C: My stomach turned. Everything I hold dear drowned in a stiff puddle of denim gathering about the model's arse. It's 10 years since Levi launched the first engineered, twisted leg jean. To mark the anniversary, they've unleashed this creation. I've been expecting the demise of the skinny leg for a while now, but truly - tell me this isn't the future? Gag.

Drop dead gorgeous

2009-02-04T17:24:00.010Z

C: In Minority Report Samantha Morton lounged about in an industrial bath dreaming about future murders, before grassing up the soon-to-be killer to the authorities. Well, I expect Tom Cruise will be knocking on my door at any moment, because the first guy I see wearing a pair of these will be getting dragged into the bushes.

Drop-crotch shorts by Phillip Lim

Hit the Decks Boys

2009-02-04T14:24:00.021Z

C: As with skinny jeans and the white school plimsole, what seems ubiquitous now once sat several seasons on the shelves with no one buying (apart from those surfing the fashion forward). Deck shoes are nothing new of course, but last summer there was a huge increase in available colours and variations on the basic design. There wasn't much take up.

However in the past few months, what was once the preserve of Polo wearing yahoos and jocks, has been increasing spotted dangling from indie gents' pale, limp ankles, usually very worn-looking almost to the point of disintegration. The deck shoe looks certain to replace the tired old plimmy as slip-on of choice. Get wearing now to achieve that desirable knackered look - nothing better than snow and salt to ruin a shoe!

From top: Sebago £119; ASOS £40; Superga £115; Topman £45

A: Well, if we are being totally frank, C&A are a bit late on this one, but before you all start flicking your weaves in utter disgust...... Just know that your beloved bloggers were probably pre-occupied with dumping those post Xmas muffin tops from their torsos. Ciao!

Yay or Nay: Transparent Converse.

2008-12-03T23:50:00.004Z

A: While perusing the online isles for a new pair of neutral canvas soles (for those moments where you just have to just throw a pair on and jump in to your awaiting taxi), I stumbled across these babies. I just can't seem to make up my mind about them; Are they an amazing accessory with a thousand styling options or just plain tacky? You decide!

poll by twiigs.com

Celebresayce!: American Music Awards

2008-11-28T12:28:00.008Z

A: Nick Lachey is always consistent, and by that I mean his outfits work like a double dose of Valium on me. Inducing me into a peaceful 8 hour coma. What is up with those cheap looking M&S pants too, did he not have time to go to the tailor's earlier to get them tapered?

A: When you are Mariah's bitch, you better friggin' co-ordinate. Or else she'll bust your eardrum in under 5 seconds flat. Snaps for the piped blazer and pocket square though.

A: Blazer & Hoody..... This is something you would wear to pop to the shops on the weekend. Wise up Luv & get your shit together! Vamos!

A: Suits in shiny fabrics are a big thing this season it seems. Unfortunately, when paired with over 200 flashing cameras on the red carpet, the results can be like putting tin foil in a microwave, disastrous. I am loving the guy on the far right's navy/yellow collegiate blazer though.

A: I am L.O.V.I.N.G Chris Brown's outfit here. Especially the 08' update on the stale 'waistcoat & blazer' formula by adding a gorgeous quilted black bomber instead. The shades are 'tres' adorable too.
A: I have still not decided whether I love or hate Kanye's ensemble here. I guess what's killing the look for me is that hideous camo hat he is wearing. Seriously, where did he get that thing? It looks like something in half off bin at an old navy outlet!

A: Although, not entirely perfect (what's up with the 'Gambino' pin stripe suit in the middle?). This group ensemble puts the Jones Brothers in my good books, the prince of wales check suit and the DB blazer are correct. The shoes on the other hand... not so much.... Jazz brogues are so 06'..

H&M Spring 09' Preview!

2008-11-27T23:54:00.005Z

A: Before I have even had a chance to stuff a Hannuka Doughnut down my mouth, I am alredy planning my summer wardrobe! Fresh out of a sweatshop in Thailand is the new preview catalogue for H&M. Be. Excited.

Slim fit suits, neon bright trousers & shorts, structured sports jackets & a big dollop of neautrals seem to be on the menu for the high street giant for summer 09'. Here our some of our fave picks. Click Pics to Enlarge

Birds of a Feather at British Fashion Awards

2008-11-26T23:48:00.012Z

C: Like bird tables, designers attract all sorts of wildlife. Unlike bird tables (although often with similar IQs), designers can choose which birds peck at their nuts. Now who got the pigeon and who got the peacock here...?

Giles Deacon & friend at the BFA

Matthew Williams & friend at the BFA

Hot for '09!: Matthew Williamson for H&M & Balmain Menswear!

2008-11-25T23:22:00.004Z

A: It seems more and more big designer labels are realizing the potential in the men's market. Since last week's report, discovering a growth in men's high street retailers, Matthew Williamson, Roland Mouret & Balmain have announced menswear lines for their '09 collections. Matthew Williamson will introduce his first ever menswear range as part of a capsule collection he is creating for H&M for Spring Summer '09 (expect tropical G.A.Y[!!!] prints & short shorts). Christpoper Decarnin is said to be introducing menswear into his Fall '09 collection, which will be presented in January - here's hoping that he can translate that 'fabulously trashy' look into menswear without making us look like rent boy versions of Ziggy Stardust. Finally, it is yet unknown when Roland Mouret plans to debut his menswear, but no doubt, his collection is sure to provide us some hot new tailoring options!

CelebreSayce!: Grand Opening of Atlantis, The Palm Resort and the Palm Jumeirah

2008-11-21T14:10:00.008Z

A: In our little corner of the world, there is no better way to end the week than a bit of celeb thrashing. Yesterday the Grand Opening of the Atlantis man made island/resort took place, and besides big wads of cash being thrown around once the TP started running low, a few well known personalities decided to pop over for a few (and by pop over, I mean 'paid six figure sums...').

While the ladies had fash pack heavyweights Aggy, Kylie, Charlize etc, batting on their side, The men had...

A: Cute. Effective. Appropriate. Albert Hammond Jr. looks rather fetching here, I am especially loving the over sized velvet bow tie. Keep him in line Aggy!

A: Now let's imagine the conversation Janet and producer hubby Jermaine Dupri had while getting ready

Dupri: Yo Janet!
Janet: Miss Jackson if ur Nasty!
Dupri: What to wear tonight?
Janet:Hmmmmmmm.... You need to try being a bit more like that Kanye boy. He got style and he be rockin' the geek chic thang! Here... try these on!
Dupri: But Miss Jackson, these glasses are too small.
Janet: Bitch(!), do as you're told! Now go put on that white tux jacket Diddy gave you for christmas..

A: Hrrrrrrrrnnnnnnkkkkk!!!!! Somebody needs to send Mr. Snipes back to prison for this heinous ensemble. And the shoes....... did he pick them up at "Pimps'R'Us" or something? Unforgivable.

A: Ahhhh... The age old sartorial mistake of wearing too many stand out items in one outfit. The Velvet Blazer. The paisley print shirt. The shiny slim fit trouser. Individually 'tres'. Together 'trop'. But who gives a shit when you have Daisy Lowe (looking effortlessly amazing) on your shoulder.

Versayce's Armagaddon European Tour: Part 2, Berlin

2008-11-20T12:30:00.000Z

C: A plague of British trendos and musos are flocking to Berlin's cheap, spacious apartments and haunting its relaxed and extensive nightlife as they flee the polar opposite at home. Our presence has been noted, and we're to blame for buy/renting stuff and making prices creep up. Well, hello - you remember the European Union right? You've always been really keen on it. Freedom of movement and capital ring any bells?? Well, this is it. DEAL!

If Vice magazine were a soap opera, London would be its script writer but Berlin would be its set. Here's a quick look at what I found for the casting couch. Photographs courtesy of the gorgeous folk from Stil in Berlin and Street Clash (see Cuff Links).

Click images for a better look

C: I was resistant to the whole Docs revival that began last year. I give in.
A: Yawn.

C: Quiddich aside, this chap exhibits a real sense of style, avoiding any obvious trends whilst still looking fresh. And that, for me, sums up the best of the best in Berlin.
A: Something kinda Ooh(!!!) indeed! This guy's look is fresher than a jewish bagel on a Sunday morning. 11 out of 10!

C: You know, it's so-so until the socks. Then it rocks.
A: So. Ok. This guy looks good, but not amazing. I bet anyone a Larry Clark dvd that this guy spent a good 30 minutes in the mirror perfecting the sock-boot-trou section. Oh, and lose that stupid hat.

C: This is either suffocatingly backward looking. Or so cool that I don't get it 'cus I'm just not in that league. I suspect it's the latter.
A: Take away the pimp coat and replace those H.I.D.E.O.U.S boots with some chillaxed plimsoles and we might have a winning look on our hands. For now, somebody please tell 'Huggy Bear' to get off the the street corner before I get all 'Shaft' on his ass!

C: Me and this guy have SO got to meet and swap fugits (fucking ugly knits). They're sartorial one-trick ponies: one wear and it's OVA.
A: Ferosh! Last year.

Cashmere Revolution

2008-11-19T22:41:00.001Z

Double-brested trenches by Topman

C: Topman have got a bit of a cheek passing these lovely military coats off as "cashmere". Woven with only 8% of the prized goats' fluff, they ought to re-label them as part of their Homoeopathic Range. Who am I to split hairs, eh?, for they are magnificent-looking winter warmers and if the firsts blasts of the evil season are anything to go by, we'll need them. With one of these on your back, winter can go kiss its own ice-hole.

Let's Hear it for the Boyzzzzz!

2008-11-18T19:50:00.006Z

A: After decades of being overshadowed by all fabrics and cuts of the feminine kind, with the help of a good old economic downturn, us dependable men are finally being thrown a bone. According to DNR, in the last three months, stores ranging from Hennes & Mauritz and Topman to Mango and New Look have launched or revamped their men’s collections, opened men’s-only flagship stores or tapped high-end fashion designers for collaboration lines.

You see, unlike women, men are much more reliable shoppers. Since we don't really tend to window shop and rarely return stuff (at least not until we have worn it and got pics on facebook in it). It's about time we get the same treatment that the ladies have been recieving over the past few years and start getting more high fashion pieces at reduced prices.

So, the only question remaining now is...Which 'High Street & Designer' collaboration will we be recieving in the near future? Kris Van Asche for River Island? Tom Ford for Burton? Anne Demuelemeester for New Look? Highly doubtful, but the prospects for my wardrobe are just that little bit brighter.

C: Giles Deacon for New Look men's wear hits the shops this month. Although the very limited selection of pieces I saw previewed didn't quite have me dying to throw caution to the crunch, it's certainly a welcome sign of things to come.

Crunch Bites Bag Lady

2008-11-14T01:28:00.002Z

NYC, last week

C: Sheee-it. You know times are tough when even KL's hitting the market for a knocked-off Chanel bag.
A: He was probably just seeking some inspiration for his new line, Chanel Unlimited C (see below). Duh!

Dead Classay Me!

See.Love.Buy

2008-11-12T23:52:00.007Z

ASOS Tailored Slim Fit Double Breasted Jacket £75.00

C: Cute, versatile & cheap? Does it come in white with a 30 inch waist and a GSOH?

New Kid On The (Chopping) Block: Carlos Campos

2008-11-12T22:08:00.012Z

Selections from Carlos Campos A/W 08'. Available at ForwardForward

(Click to enlarge)

A: While gallivanting through the pages of Revolution's online answer to Dover St. Market, ForwardForward, I stumbled across new Mexican designer Carlos Campos. Faster than a pensioner could yell 'HBOS!', I did a double take, grabbed my plastic and rammed it into my USB drive. Then I discovered US sites don't do Maestro ;(

Seriously though, this guys jackets are simple to D.I.E! The tailoring feels fresh without being garish and since it's a new designer (that Topman hasn't hired...yet!), you will probably be the only one wearing within a 20ft radius.

Here is a taste of his S/S 09 collection.

Carlos Campos S/S 09

(Click to enlarge)

A: Pretty Fa-rosh(!!) don't you think?

C: Mr Blue Jacket, did you get that forehead from Babylon 5 costume department, wtf?! Agree 100% - this guy's tailoring is hotter than camel shit.

Even Mama Wintour Approves!

A: This may not be to everyone's liking (yes C, I am partially referring to you) and it may not really work off the catwalk, but who cares? J'adore & please gimme more Campos!

C: A, you don't need no more. You're campos enough.

Shop till you rot

2008-11-08T12:34:00.007Z

C: Some have a strange, dark love for the smell of petrol, others for the aroma of a Starbuck's goat's milk choco-moco-latte, and more than a few for heady testosterone stench of a locker room. Here at Maison Versayce nous adorons the light whiff of rooms packed with rails of rotting clobber, aka vintage stores. On a recent, rare meeting of C&A in London, we went on the sartorial equivalent of a pub crawl getting giddy (and giggly) on London's finest thrift threads...try saying that after you've had 7 Babychams!

21st Century Retro
162 Holloway Rd (Tube: Highbury & Islington)

C: My personal favourite. It's cheap (£5-15), well stocked with high-quality gear, not too many people know about it and they play wonderfully obscure music. They happily ignore you whilst you spend 2 hours rail-raiding. At the moment, they've got the best selection of Scandinavian knits I've seen in any shop. There's no sign outside, so look for the CND logo (see photo above!).

A: A total thrift 'haven' & an absolute must for those of you who get a perverse sensation from the scent of damp, smelly tweeds. It's never overflowing with Peaches/Sienna/Doperty wannadies, it's perfect for last minute weekend outfit tweaking and staff are actually friendly & helpful when needed. Extra points for fantastic scarf selection.

The Brick Lane Thrift Store
68 Sclater Street (off Brick Lane)

C: Don't be put off by the presence of the odd intimidating looking trendo. They're actually really friendly in here. No really! Excellent selection of scarves, ties and belts.

A: I have to disagree on the ties C, unless you like wide ones with Looney Toons characters on them. Amazing for belts though, I dare you to come out without one.

Sam Greenberg Vintage
64-66 Sclater Street (off Brick Lane)

C: If we tell you this place is bargain central, please don't all rush at once. Leave something for us! Greenberg has the vintage concession at the back of Topman Oxford Street, and what doesn't sell there gets heavily reduced and fetches up here. Great jackets to be found for only £10.

A: Some real finds in this store, good jacket/coat and bag selection. The one big problem here though, is the slightly effed up size selection. A beautiful 10 quid blazer is useless with a 46" chest size.

Rokit Vintage
107 Brick Lane

C: Rokit is the M&S of vintage shops in the Brick Lane area. Consistent stock, good basics, no surprises, and lots of ties. It also comes at a bit of a premium compared to other shops.

A: The legendary Brick Lane vintage Momma. Fabulous. Ten years ago. Since then the prices have skyrocketed and all the good stuff is probably on hold for fashion mags and celeb stylists. You are better off going to the Covent Garden/Camden branches which have better selections at more reasonable prices.

Beyond Retro
110-112 Cheshire Street (off Brick Lane)

C: I want to loath Beyond. It rings the cliche bells of retro like a cathedral to old clothes: there's the 80s arcade game in the corner, wonky photocopied flyers for hot new underground club nights, effortlessly cool staff with tattoos, the cabinets of 50s-esque kitsch and acetate jewelry, the wicker hamper of 1000&1 bold-print scarves. It ticks all the boxes, screws up the form and throws it at their mate getting the next round at the bar. But boy they have decent vintage shoes and while most stores are 95% crap 98% of the time, stunning quirky pieces crop up on their rails with almost supernatural frequency. G..ggg..ggggot to love 'em. Gah!

A: I dare any of you to come out of this store empty handed. The prices are pretty average for London vintage and are you always sure to come out with a winning ensemble. It's also pretty good for an eye wank on the weekend, with a swarm of St. Martin's students descending on the store in there finest garbs.

These Boots Were Made For Mincing (and that's just what we'll do...)

2008-11-04T21:19:00.013Z

A: A while back we showed you guys a few sole flavoured treats to warm up our winter. Well guess what? It's still cold, in fact, I just cut a steak with my nipple. Unfortunately, this season the high street seems to have maxed out all its resources in the 'Homme' department making all things plaid & slim fit.

The boot department as a result, has been severely lacking. Mainly consisting of clunky 'Westwood-esque' copies & sheepskin lined monstrosities that are mostly suited to those who favour a *take a deep breath* worker style jean *exhale*. Looks like you are going to give your loved ones lumps of coal this Xmas if want any of the following babies (apart from the ASOS grey suede boots, only 45 pounds, the cost of a 'good' night out).

From Top to Bottom: Alexander Mcqueen, Balenciaga (both available at Browns), Asos, Narrative, Narrative

Obama-Win Kenobi, you're our only hope

2008-11-04T14:53:00.008Z

C: "Walk on water Obama! Walk!!"

In this allegorical picture BO is depicted as a Jesus/Kanye West chimera, whilst the gays (represented by the giddy white horse of course) dance at his right elbow in anticipation of a MASSIVE party. In his hand he holds a blingin' gold buckle: the security of the Western banking system, safe in his hands, even if a bit wet.

However, a cynical undertone is sounded by the presences of flying roses, paraphrasing the chorus of the Outkast hit Caroline: I know you like to think yo shit don't stank, but lean a little bit closer, see, roses still smell like boo-boo-boo - a warning that once these fizzy waters settle, the scales will fall from our eyes and we'll see once again that all politicians are made of the same do-do.

But for now, from C&A...may the Force be with you BO (ps where's the party gonna be, we wanna ride on a white horse???)

A: Speak for yourself C, I'm voting for Oprah!

Tick My Box Santa!

2008-11-03T21:20:00.013Z

Timex digitals available at Asos

C: I love love love these. I love these with the Force, to the power 3, and with all the Honour of Grey Skull. My grandparents face a 3-day eBay auction so I can snaffle the lot. You see Elton John may not know how to dress, but the bastard sure knows how to shop: one in every colour shopkeeper and don't spare the horses.

My favourite two are the white and gold, because they look - well, so CHEAP! Santa listen up: make my stocking digital this Christmas and see if I can't give a quick "digital" present of my own for your trouble.

A: Haven't Urban Outfitters been stocking these since Cokate was dating Johnny Depp? There is a thin line between cute cheap and just N.A.S.T.Y, and the white one not only crosses it, it stampedes through it like a council mum on the first day of sale at Mk One. Love the Grey & Aqua colored ones though.... I want this for christmas santa baby....

Chanel + Sartorialist = IGN*!!!!!!

2008-11-02T11:50:00.004Z

A: Perk up kids! Hanukkah has come early this year!!! Everyone's favourite drool inducing men's style blog 'The Sartorialist' has teamed up with papa Karl to showcase some of the ever elusive Chanel menswear looks. Every season a few looks are thrown our way on the catwalk, but are rarely seen off it. The tweed coats are so 'tres'... The pearls on the other hand, 'trop'. Men in nan's favourites just screams Dr. Frankenfurter...

C: Karl 4 Sartorialist, you say, A? Looks more like Karl 4 M&S. Snooze et frites, chere Karl. Snooze et frites.

*Involuntary Gay Noise

2008-10-31T17:19:00.001Z

A: And here's a little something spooky for you...

A:.... A picture of Julien Macdonald.... See kids, fashion can be scary....

I'm Sorry, Was That Yours?: Topman vs. Marc by Marc Jacobs

2008-10-28T21:57:00.004Z

A: Oooooo, don't you just love a cute wearable knock off?! Snatch this baby for 30 pounds. Although, I must caution you, it's only a matter of time before you'll be seeing this piece on every Tom, Dick and 'Mary'. Useful tip: Buy it now. Wear it once. Get pics of you in it on Facebook. Pass it on to someone else for Xmas. Easy.

Gift Ideas for Him: Heidi Mottram's Eel Skin Leather Goods

2008-10-27T22:53:00.002Z

A: Gawd! It's not even Halloween yet, and they are already turning on the Christmas lights! Crunch or no Crunch, we still want to see something shiny under that tree come December. All those of you who are thinking of getting your beloved male friend/relative/partner a handy wallet, guess what. We already have at least 3. Heidi Mottram's eel skin wallet designs would be a hot little alternative to most of the high street fodder in coin catching department. They are relatively cheap for exotic skinned accessories and come in a multitude of colours and designs.

Ukranian Fashion Week S/S 09: Vincent Willem Warner

2008-10-20T23:21:00.011+01:00

A: Hey Guess what people. It's Ukrainian fashion week! What you didn't hear? Neither did I. But since Eastern Europe is where the money's at, that's where I'll be, although I'm not sure I'll be rocking any of the looks shown at Willem Warner's show, for fear of accidentally turning out tricks to oligarchs while standing in line for my Starbucks. Let's take a closer look...

A: OK so the pants are hideous, and if we actually saw anyone in them, we would probably call the Folice, but the knitted top is pretty endearing. It would probably be even better if it was simply hooded, but hey, anything for a mention in the press right?!
C: Does he have a lobster down his pants to complete the red theme? Sure looks like it.

A: White on White = Sin. Even though I love the neckline on the top, the whole look overall just makes me want to detonate a cruise ship!
C: You see, I don't mind the white on white. What I do find turns my face vinegar-sour are those vile trainers. Like buying a gorgeous cake from Parisian patisserie and topping it with squirty cream.
A: Wow. Unbuttoned cuffs. Controversy.

A: Whoa.... Let's take 2 steps back shall we? I am guessing this is what straight jackets would look like if Julian McDonald designed them. I am sure his donning one right now in his tanning coffin.
C: Excuse me, how you gonna pick up your glass of Cristal in that get-up dahling? Exactly.

A: Sorry Mr. Willem Warner, the N'Sync look won't be retro for at least another 10 years.
C: I love how these models have waists like butchers' wives.

A:.... The problem with thi.. Oh Whatev's...

The Air Kissing Dance, courtesy of Tom & Karl.

2008-10-16T23:18:00.011+01:00

A: Every once in a while, we all like a little fusion on our plate. For some it might be a serving of sushi with a side of salsa sauce, for others it may be pairing a vintage tee with a well tailored blazer. But for me there is nothing better than watching 2 divo's try and out gay one another in a verbal fuckfest of flattery. A few weeks ago fash legends Tom Ford & Karl Lagerfeld did an interview with Time magazine, mainly focusing on promoting Ford's menswear line. Here are some snippets with additional commentary from C&A.

Karl: Tom's clothes have nothing to do with the old clothes. It's the idea of them. It shares the mood. But in fact they are made differently, and also, in ready-to-wear, this kind of quality didn't exist. They are beautifully made. They are weightless on the body.

Tom: Well, thank you, Karl.

A: Airkisses galore!
C: Air-rim more like. I do hope they flossed after that disgusting display of verbal ass-hole munching.

Karl: But when you wear them, you don't feel like they are English clothes because those are heavy. I like that you took that mood and used another technique. It's like Chanel.

A: Me, Me, Me, Me, MEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make sure you don’t forget that Chanel makes the best clothes in the world kids, otherwise uncle Karl will put a double c’ed lump of coal in your sock this xmas.
C: Can you imagine how much that lump of coal would sell for on eBay?! I was told Chanel do a daft product every year. I'm trying to track down the CC boomerang at the moment. Truefact readers.

Tom: It's true. A lot of people think a high armhole is restrictive, but it gives you total movement because it's cut right up to your arm.

A: There is nothing like a sharp dagger wedged in between your armpit and chest, it’s really a sign of high quality tailoring when your blazer cuts off the blood supply to your arms. It creates a comfortably numb sensation. Duh!

You can read the full interview here.

Pins and needles

2008-10-16T16:30:00.007+01:00

C: Three things which determine if a man is still eligible to wear skinny jeans. 1) Age 2) Being in rock'n'roll. 3) Having the BMI of a heroin addict. La Moss' last be-dicked accessory scored 3 out of 3. Congratulations Pete, you're a winner. Jamie, with his 1 out of 3, is looking a bit sausage-legged and desperately "youthful". But check the double-breasted pin-stipped suit jacket!! 80's stockbroker is a look so ironically now! BUY BUY BUY!!!

A: The things men will do for a piece of Kate. Squirt crack blood on oil canvases, Make horrible covers of good 60's songs, the list goes on..... Shoving toothpaste back into a tube ala Mr. Kills seems like an easy break here... Unfortunately, despite the lush DB piece, that fringe needs a serious work over, what did he cut it with? A machete?

Boot-y call

2008-10-06T00:39:00.011+01:00

C: Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious by this selection of boots from the highstreet. By some act of necromancy it seems shoe designers knew universal poverty was on its merry way, and have provided the crunched consumer with the some lickable boots that shout poverty proudly: step forward the hob-nail boot. Your time is now.

From top: Costume Nation, Hudson, Hudson, Marc Jacobs, private joke

Versayce's Armagaddon European Tour: Part 1, Venice

2008-10-06T00:09:00.003+01:00

C: Doom! Doom! Listen to it, sounding out wherever you turn like a deafening cathedral bell. Doom! The world's ending. It's everywhere: western banks are disintegrating like Hobnobs in hot tea, the country keeps flooding like some incontinent old tramp, the ice caps are now mere kippahs, kids glibly killing each other like they're living out Grand Theft Auto and global warming has yet again failed to provide us with a decent summer. Doom! So, before this 8 billion car pile-up happens on Global Highway 66 - I'm flicking two-fingers up to it all and going on some holidays. First stop Venice! After all, with these rising oceans, it'll be a baroque Atlantis before November's out. Here's my fash report...

No one actually lives in Venice, you know. It's a just ceaseless tide of tourists, coming in by train, coach and monster sea liners which must appear like a fridge-freezer does to an ant. I think even the people serving in bars and shops are bused in every morning from the Slovakian boarder. Do you equate tourists with style? I do not. Tourists dress for *gag* comfort. Comfort may be easy on the body, but it's is an offence to the eyes. Look...
And that's despite:
Clearly some potential, but no evidence of style anywhere, despite 3 days walking the streets. The only thing that's idiosyncratic in the sartorial life of Venice, to its waterways (and probably its gay saunas) are the gondoliers. After some years of getting away with wearing what they liked (t-shirts with the slogan "We're raping your wallet" perhaps?), they must now sport a strict traditional uniform, which has a simple charm and shows off their big arms.

And that's about it. Slim pickings, eh? Next stop: Berlin!

High Street Tailoring Picks: Topman Design & Burton Heritage

2008-10-03T16:57:00.005+01:00

From Left: Topman Design Suit, Burton Heritage Suit

A: Let's face it kids, if ya ain't got no dolla in that pocket, finding a well tailored, adequately fitted and good quality suit on the high street is not a simple task. In fact, it would probably easier and cheaper to buy a scabby old vintage suit, get it dry cleaned and heavily altered. But who has the time or patience (besides shopaholic whores like us...). While scouring the online shop offerings of some of British retails biggest players, I stumbled across these 2 fantastic examples of affordable modern tailoring.

The first suit (on the left), is a snow flecked tweed suit with skinny trousers and satin lapels, which add a soft luxurious touch to the rough texture of the jacket. The trousers are quite versatile and could be worn for work on their own and then with the jacket for evening affairs.

The second suit consists of a double breasted prince of wales check jacket from Burton's new Heritage line alongside slim fit trousers which should provide a nice alternative to all those pinstripe single breasted debaucheries you may have noticed on the bus/tube to work.

C: Guys are weirdly snobbish about high street brands. Most women I know would shrivel and die if cut off from their constant feed of cheap rags from Primark and New Look etc. Well, maybe with this recession snapping at our heels, more men will get over themselves and take a look in "lepar" shops like Burton, New Look, Next, Littlewoods. Burton, has really turned its game around over the past 4 years, so go have a look and see what you've been missing. It's new Heritage line, joining the Black Label line is something only those with more money than sense should turn their noses up at.

Dicing the Collections: Thom Browne S/S 2009

2008-09-23T22:02:00.010+01:00

A: Thom Browne, the man responsible for the 'shrunken suit' look (mid wrist jackets, calf length trousers) showed his new collection in NY this month, and the results were unfortunately more mixed than a bag of revels (come on, you know you only have two flavours in mind when you buy that packet). The tennis themed collection more often than not was just simply ridic!

A: Romper suits, Tulle underskirts paired with blazers, bath robes dressed up with evening coats? WTF?! Don't get me wrong, I love innovation in menswear and most of my blazers barely graze my elbow but come on.... Is this man trying to create new wearable looks for us or just trying to grab some column inches. Desperately TTH (trying too hard)!!!

C: Model 3 from the left's face sums it all up: I feel more of a dick than an army tent full of Thai whores.

A: Tennis skirts for men, haven't we seen those before? Oh yeah, on your average Wednesday Tranny themed night at your local gay hot spot! Unfortunately, most of the men rocking this mishap will be 40 year old men who chose to find a new 'softer' self rather than buy a Porsche during their mid life crisis. And the trousers hanging off the balls, to quote Project Runway judge Nina Garcia "I have alot of problems with this look, that's just the tip of the iceberg".

But not all was bad...

A: Nautical jackets with silk piping, short suits with fabulous prints , jacquard printed fabrics all served as fresh, easy(er) to wear looks that wouldn't bring on the gay bashing outside of major capital cities. I am particularly loving the belted detail on the jacquard shorts.

C: Model far left - "Lawyer seeks buxom dominatrix for naughty school boy spanking sessions"

A: The accessories were rather cute too, although nothing to really worth getting wrinkles over... The patent toe caps idea could have been pushed a bit further... Perhaps some 2 toned ones next season please?

Oh and one last thing....

A: I'm sorry, but I'm completely at loss about what to say about this outfit, since I have gone spontaneously blind, C help me out here please...

C: 40-Hate, Mr Browne.

NY Fashion Week Report: 3.1 Phillip Lim S/S 09

2008-09-12T17:05:00.010+01:00

A: Every September & January, style editors, models, buyers, celebutants, divas & various assistants and entourage members don their finest apparel and flock between the four major fashion capitals of the globe in order to get the first scoop on what's hot next season. Thankfully for us, we have the blogosphere, style.com and the comfort of our own bedrooms to write from and bring you tidbits from various shows, so we don't have to move an inch.

Unfortunately though, most of the runways in these months are dedicated to the female specimen, but a few select designers (who were probably to cheap too cough enough dough to shell out on a separate show) chose to integrate their fashion shows. Yay for us right?! Not so much this week, since the fash pack has stationed itself in New York, the land of casual sportswear, henceforth a severe lacking of anything new and fresh to report on.

But this morning while eyeballing the Rodarte women's collection, a shining thumbnail gleamed into my peripheral encasing a pair of men's snake skin lace ups, feverishly clicking on it I discovered the men's segment of the 3.1 Phillip Lim collection

A: Although only about 7 or 8 looks were shown on the runway, they were all I really needed to replace the usual double espresso shot I have on my way to work this morning, and the accessories were TO D.I.E!!! The 2 toned snake skin lace ups made me have an aneurysm, as did the tan coloured envelop document folder *fetches a drool bucket*.

A: Ok, distractions aside (and in an imaginary shopping bag), the clothes were effortlessly gorgeous. Fitted double breasted jackets were paired up with loose fitting trousers, or 7/8th length ones, snake skinned beauties with mesh fabric socks and geometric print tee's with statement neck pieces.

Let's hope next year will bring us a full men's collection by Mr. Lim.

Keep that motor running!

2008-09-09T19:09:00.011+01:00

I could teach that Siegfried Fraud a thing or two about psychology. Today, whilst frazing in the over-grown jungle of Oxford Street I experience that rare, primordial phenomena: the Snatch-Buy. Whereas the IGN (involuntary gay noise) comes from a place beyond our conscious control (the subconscious eh, Fraud?); the Snatch-Buy is from the lowest level of our brains. It's a motor instinct.

There I was having little more than a disinterested glance over H&M flagship's usual unappealing stirfry of men's accessories, when BAM!! Without even the split second it takes to IGN, my hand shot out and grabbed. And at the same instant my brain froze and fist tightened, as possession of the article became the sole focus of living for the next few moments.

Fortunately in the modern world we rarely (apart from sale time) have to fight to make something ours. We invented the credit card for that. World peace followed. Even better that this particular Snatch-Buy costs less than a packet of 20 (£4.99).

About a year ago I tried to make one of these babies out of an old bowtie and some fabric. The missing element from this was any practical talent on my part. It made the Heidelberg disaster look like a grazed knee. Trust. I do love it when the High Street catches up with what I want.

A: Order has been placed to London Versayce HQ for one of these. C will send one to avoid a possible death sentence. Add some lace to this baby for full dark romance effect.

Nuts & Belts: Hip Hugging Goodness

2008-09-08T22:49:00.006+01:00

A: When planning one's seasonal wardrobe, the belt is an item often glossed over. This simple accessory can really bring an outfit together though, and help complete a look. In line with this coming fall's themes/trends I thought it might be useful to offer up some leathery waist cinchers. Please notice the absence of any belts baring the words "Jesus Loves You". Sorry guys, any belts baring over sized logos or silly phrases tend to give an impression to the general public that you have extreme brain leakage.

Clockwise from top: Asos Platted Belt, Mark & Spencer Lizard Effect Stripe Leather Belt, Topman Brown Lizard Belt, Burton Perforated Leather Belt, Burton Grey Skinny Belt, Asos Studded Belt.

Chuck Bass is Back!!

2008-09-02T20:51:00.010+01:00

A: Well well, for those of us in not so sunny England, hasn't the summer been a tad bleak? Horrible menopausal weather, Tory takeover, the return of casual sweatpants on the streets, I could go on... Thankfully, autumn has begun, which means better clothes, less beer guts and most importantly, new seasons of our fave American shows. Probably the most highly anticipated for me was the return of Gossip Girl, which began its second season yesterday in the states. Over the past few months, every fashion mag has been focusing their pages on the clothes worn by the ladies of this wildly entertaining teen soap . Now it's time for Maison Versayce to take a glimpse into the men's fashion in the show, mainly worn by the character Chuck Bass (who like every rich New Yorker is vacationing at the Hamptons). Time to rate those looks!

A: Casual & sporty. In short, American fashion. Just OK. Cute hat tho. C+

C: Pete Doherty does beach wear. Stripes: on deck chairs timeless; on guys 2005. D

A: I loved this check shirt. The mixture of Blue, Orange & Cream is delish. Would have been nicer as a long sleeve shirt tho. B

C: Did he pull those flowers from under his shirt, cus it sure looks like there are a few more presents under the Christmas tree. No charm in this look. It's totally perfunctory. D

A: Part of me is screaming "OMFG! Where can I buy this shirt!", while the other part in me is screaming "Paul & Shark meets tacky queen on cruise". B-

C: S'ok. C

A: Gak Attack! Pistachio is a color that rarely should be seen outside of Hagen Daz carton. Quite frankly that colour and the mixture with the check print is nauseating. F

C: FUCK! Willy Wonker meets Will Young. These colours remind me of bathroom suites from the early 80s. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeedick. Ungraded.

A: Abercrombie & Fitch product placement alert. Bleugh!

C: Hey, who's the father Chuck? Wearing a shirt the extends below the gut back onto narrower hips is the sartorial version of jazz hands whilst you fuck up your solo. Good to see he's accessorising with a Diet Coke. C for (weight control) effort.

A: OK, so technically this ain't The Bass, but I love the mixture of different creams and textures and especially the collar on his shirt. B+

C: Points lost because the tie just isn't elegant enough for a winged-collar; look how it bulks around the neck. I do like the wit in attempting to dress up linen though. B

A: At the Hamptons white party, Chuck decides to mix it up a bit with some black piping on his lapels and black & cream neckerchief. I usually hate all white outfits on men (or women, actually), but the Bass really pulls this off amazingly. A+

The Effiminate Male Part 2: Mantyhose

2008-09-01T16:25:00.006+01:00

A: There a few moments when I thank my size 9 feet that I am actually a man. Like when a female friend gets that raging look in her eyes that reads "crimson tsunami approcahing", or when said female ends up getting a shard of a corona bottle in her foot after having to take her 4 inch heels off. I also consider myself lucky that I don't have to deal with the itchy gratings of tights around my belt line, which leads me to wonder why in hell any man would actually want to wear these (fuck the cold, get some American Apparel Thermal Leggings to fit under your pants instead). Available from E-Mancipate (insert puns in comment box please...)

C: Ser-weeet Jesus. That is madder than Whitney on crack in a traffic jam. Take it away, right away, it's injured my face. My frown lines are so deep, they're like builders' butt-cracks. Gah!

Project C:Walk (Part 1)

2008-08-28T01:19:00.007+01:00

You know how it is brilliant to waste money buying clothes and shoes? Well I've discovered a new way to waste even more money: the tailor's! Not happy with your hems or the cut of your jacket? Well why not get a happy high street seamster to snip'n'stitch to your empty heart's desire. Over the next couple of posts I'm going to foolishly attempt to copy this jacket (which I can't afford), and prove to you how easy it is to throw good money after bad in pursuit of what you want.

Jacket by Hickey Freeman

In the next exciting installment of Project C:Walk, C attempts to find a tweed jacket to mash up.

Dicing The Collections: Versace A/W 08

2008-08-26T12:25:00.008+01:00

A: Versace. Just saying the word makes you feel cheap. Over the past decade this brand has come to symbolize a new breed of 'nouvelle riche' through the use of tacky fabrics, nauseating prints & flesh baring cuts. So it was to my surprise when I saw this A/W collections from the mock-croc skinned Donatella, which although quite bold, is borderline minimalist for Versace. (Click the pictures for a much higher quality)

C: Blue teamed with black: love. Shiny suit fabric: Ford Mondeo.

A: One of my favourite pieces of this collection. The asymmetrical buttons are fantastic and I'm guessing could be very flattering (until I see it on a size XXL man...). Somebody has to do a 'decent' knock-off of this. Fast!
A: Well. I am guessing Donatella has to keep her main customers happy. Even Snoop needs something to wear at his Aspen lodge in January underneath his mink coat.

C: Chunk, double-breasted, blue/black - as right as bacon, lettuce & tomato.

A: What is it with Versace and pimp looks? The length of this coat is soooooooooo unflattering, unless you are 7 ft tall. The head to toe plum theme is also a little bit nauseating. Not Hot.

A: Much better. Pea coats are so much more flattering on men, of all sizes, especially since they tend to disguise those post-xmas love handles we tend to get after all those puddings (& stuffing & champagne & nuts & ........................ ). Again, love those buttons.
C: Plum pud I can stomach. Various shades of plum trousers, coats, ties, shirts all at once makes a guy look like he was dressed by Dulux Colour at B&Q. Retch.

A: Hrrrrrrnnnnnkkk! The blazer makes me wanna turn tricks! Into the look book!
C: Don't understand what's going on with that lapel, but knowledge is over-rated anyway. It looks hawt.
A: This coat is something out of a Sean John look book. Seriously, who would wear this other than P Diddy?
A: Ok so, back to the good stuff. The biker look is a big theme this season and, obviously, the essential item is a good, well fitted biker jacket. I actually quite like that Donatella made a biker jacket in brown, since black leather can be a bit harsh on lighter skin tones.
A: Ummmm, Columbine. Much?
C: I'm calling my mum. I'm scared. Weedy pschycos in long leather coats spells an end where your limbs are going to the tip in separate bin bags.

A: I cannot wait to see some queen rocking this look down the high street, only so I can pelt St. Tropez all over it!
A: That suit is about as flattering on him as a crack pipe was on Whitney Houston. WTF is that tacky fabric?
A: Ooooo, I think we missed a small detail in that photo. Lets Zoom in....

C: Ms Brightman, this is your 5 minute call. 5 minutes please.

2008-08-20T01:10:00.001+01:00

A: There is nothing hotter sometimes than a flash pair of trainers that scream 'Hey, I'm better than you, now bow down!". A patent pair of high tops with a Chanel style quilted effect fits the bill quite nicely don't you think. This shoe was especially made in these 6 colors as an 'homage' to the Beijing Olympics, although whether we are going to spotting Michael Phelps wearing these babies in the meat packing district in NY, I don't know.

Please tie me up

2008-08-19T13:47:00.002+01:00

C: The tie. I can't think of anything more utterly pointless (pun unintended). A fabric noose, snugly girdling the wearer's neck, of no functional use, unless suicide's your task in hand. It's a health & safety accident waiting to happen. It's a leash, a lead, a choker-chain for animal man. An item like no other, loaded with compulsion and compliance: "must wear a tie" "no open necked shirts" "formal attire compulsory" "back tie only". I loath being told what I can and cannot wear. I refuse to wear a tie at work. And yet when not compelled to, I want to wear one. Given all I've said, I love them, and can't stop collecting them. They provide a counter point to the very limited pallet of clothes most men wear; a permissible concession to frippery, extravagance and the sorts of fabrics or prints normally only worn by women. Here are some real sober beauties from the new season, with tartan being the stand-out look for me.

From left to right
Top row: Band of Outsiders, Michael Kors
Middle: both Drakes
Bottom: Lova, Alexis Mabille (genius!)

A: Don't forget this fresh little number from Topman. Only a tenner!

"I'm sorry, was that yours?": Burberry vs. Topman

2008-08-15T22:26:00.004+01:00

A: Upon my daily perusal of Topman's website I stumbled across this winter overcoat which bares a striking resemblance to the one worn by Sam Reily in the Burberry A/W campaign. Thinking to myself "Yey, 90% Burberry knock off for 75 quid" I sprinted over to my local flagship only to discover that it fits like a mutated glove, causing my body to look like Mickey Rourke's face, after he took up boxing. Hanger Appeal: 10. Sex Appeal: 3.

C: That's why I never buy clothes on the online. Sure the pics may make you dribble more than an hour in front of Xtube, but how's it gonna hang? There's no way you're going to know until your try it on, and until Second Life gets touchy feely there's nothing to beat First Life and real shopping. I mean, would you order a boyfriend over the internet? Oh. Wait. Scrub that...

Rei of Light

2008-08-15T15:58:00.017+01:00

A: Winter just got quirkier peeps! Comme Des Garcons very own Rei Kawabuko has done a range for H&M! It'll be a pretty standard CdG affair: bold prints, deconstructed tailoring, lots of black etc... But at prices which I can actually afford (hopefully..... ). I am gunning for that colour block shirt. Forget See Love Buy. Smash & Grab!

C: Love the peacoat.Want. But wait. The model - let's call him Sven for the sake of argument. Now, Sven, when you're photoshoping him, is a great looking bloke. Yet the I-just-got-off-my-shift-at-the-chippy hair has an amazingly transformative effect. Sven goes from handsome to well-maybe-after-3-pints, just like that. Point is: hair. No matter what they heck's going on below the neck, whether designed by Rei Kawabuko or Ray Meers, hair has the power to totally knock the edge off an outfit. So Sven, do please take two bottles into the shower next time and do yourself and the clothes the justice they deserve.

Dicing the Collections: Costume National A/W 08

2008-08-15T11:01:00.015+01:00

Click pictures for much higher quality.
A: Pete Doherty is probably regretting he pawned his favourite coats for that 'ever so sweet dragon chasing' hit last weekend. No worries though, hopefully Kate Moss will use some of that Phillip Green money and get him this for Xmas...

A: Loving the cardie-over-waistcoat look. Dandy whores, take note.
C: Great to see grey won't go away. Want a cardie like that on the High Street? Try Uniqlo. Great prices and much higher quality than Topman or H&M.

A: Gorgeous gloves. The rest is your standard charity/ vintage shop affair.
C: I think the palette of muted browns is something to look out for. It's a good alternative to the ubiquitous grey if you can find the pieces.

A: Coming to a Gap near you.
C: He looks like a fick. Something about the jacket being done up at the throat ruins this for me.

A: I have always wanted a Birkin. Unfortunately, not only am I too poor to buy one, Hermes won't even agree to put me on a waiting list for one. I guess I can settle for this then..... when it's in the sale...
A: Yes! This look is flaming hot for fall. The blazer combines 2 trends in one, tweed & tuxedo. The mixture of different fabric textures..... You get the point. In the Versayce look book this goes.

C: There's a tweed jacket I'll blog about soon. It knocks this into a cocked hat. But yeah, tweed is back for another go (this will be its 3rd winter if the High Streets run with it again).

A: If there is one thing I hate, it's white jeans in winter. Nothing screams ponce more than a pair of white denim pins in mid January. Nice Shirt tho.

C: Well I hate those Arab scarf things more. Nothing screams "I'm seriously alternative" louder. Well if you are, why the hell are you peddling such a frickin' cliche! This is a deeply TopMan look.

A: I know fellow Versyace writer Craig & his frenemie Chris are already fighting over who gets to wear this look first. Here is a catwalk trend that's fairly simple to copy. Don't forget the 'satin' bowtie & fingerless gloves children! It's all in the details.

C: Drop dead bitch. I already have the shirt & tie for this combo and not seen this shot until now. Not all of us copy from the run way. Some of us just feel it in the air and make it fly.

A: Let's take a time warp a few weeks back to a humid yet rainy day in Berlin..... C: "Check out this top I got from New Look, it's all about Tartan this season...". Dis-missed.

A: Black biker jackets are the word right now, but what is up with those shoes?! I'm all for chunky soles but those look like a "Clarks" nightmare!
A: Readers beware! This look may look hot right now, but by the beginning of December, It'll be in your nearest Designer Outlet.
C: Ditch the tie. There's enough going on here to keep a creche of hyper toddlers amused for hours.

Dicing the Collections: Prada A/W 08

2008-08-14T23:20:00.019+01:00

A: Right now the highstreet is awash with tumbleweed, enshrining transitional boredom with nothing more on offer than graphic tee's, gingham reinterpretaions (come on guys, we all have at least 2 shirt's in varying colour schemes) yada yada yada... So to pass the boredom, here at Maison Versayce we serve up the designer looks that are to be passed on to us common folks over the next few months. With added commentary flavour from C&A. First up, Prada (Click the pictures for a much, much higher quality).

A: Playing with shape and form is all fine and dandy when you want to get your collections in edgier fashion magazines, but darling Miucia's play on our beloved waistcoat puzzles me more than a piece of kosher bacon. I'll be sure to wear this when I want to avoid getting speghetti sauce on favourite shirt.

C: I love the way the baggy-jeans-showing-your-pants thing, so current in 2005 has percolated into men's tailoring here. It's so inventive. Really credible. Really works. Pas!

A: Sorry, not even Julian Clarey would be caught mincing around in this shiteous outfit. And what is with that bag, I'm sure I spotted it in the half price bin at Accessorize last Xmas.

C: Cardinal sin alert!!! Men's trousers should never ever ever ever in a million and 1 years accentuate the hips, as it's devastatingly emasculating. It is an M&S cut for the woman of a certain age. I'm gagging with disdain.

A: Now even the gays can slosh around in mud at the VIP tent at V festival next year with these babies.
C: Reminds me of those halloween skeleton costumes with the bones printed on. Except in bile yellow. Nice touch.
A: Redrum! Redrum! Red is going to be a big trend this season, but this look is a law suit waiting to happen due to damaged retinas left, right & centre.

A: Supremely Delish! The diamond shaped lapels and the colour put this little number in my fall look book.
C: But not with wellies. It's a sure fire way to look a total fick.

A: Abra Cadabra! I wanna reach out and grab this fine outfit. Each one of these pieces could be worn seperately, but all together, two words, Graham Norton.
C: Your two words hit bullseye.

A: Oh yes. Now we are talking, this outfit is xmas party perfection. It's about textured fabrics with a touch of colour highlighting.
C: I think fabrics with coloured highlights or scheens look a bit, East-meets-West. Reminds me of Ciro Ceterio. It runs up to me and shouts "cheap & tacky" in my ear. I turn in disgust.

A: Note to Burton/Mark&Sparks/River Island. Make a carbon copy of this shirt ASAFP!
C: Don't get the superfluous collar thing. But I'm listening...

A: Look! When your model is falling asleep 20 steps on to the catwalk, you know your outfit is boring.

The Sartorialist for Gap?!

2008-08-13T19:13:00.005+01:00

A: Unless you have been in a total fashion coma for the past year or so, you probably will have visited the godfather of all men's fashion blogs, The Sartorialist, which through shots of anonymous or not-so-anonymous male street walkers gives a masterclass on how to wear certain attire properly. So it was to combined horror and delight that I discovered this picture on my Google Reader this morning next to my Coffee & Celery stick...

A: Scott Schuman!!!! The Sartorialist himself working the crap out of an Oxford shirt...... For a Gap Fall Campaign!! ONTD!!!

C: Great strap line "Look for your own inspiration". It's really motivating. I may put it up above my desk and sigh each time it catches my eye. My take would have been "Look for someone else to do your ironing". If shirts are a bitch to iron, GAP's Oxford is a frickin rotweiler. Beware of Dog.

The New Effeminate Guide Pt. 1

2008-08-11T21:46:00.005+01:00

A: Over the past few days, I've seen the image of the modern man take a 'beyond ironic' twist into new territories: the land of Trannyville. Dr. Frankenfurter need not be considered an icon of rebellion and individualism any more with the introduction of MantyHose & Guyliner. The pink pound must be flipping around in distaste to see expendable incomes being thrown about in such a flagrant manner.

A: From the Taxi Cosmetics website: "This soft, smooth kohl pencil can give an accurate, subtle defined look to the contour of the eye, making them appear larger, more distinct and seductive, is he or isn’t he wearing it? Or smudged, it can be more dramatic for a grungy rock-star look"

Ok, so let me ask this. If, as a man, I choose to waste my income on some eyeliner, shouldn't I rather spend it on a better company like Chanel, Lancome, YSL etc, who have actually been making this stuff for decades and know their business?

I can imagine the conversation...

Random Person: Wow, you are so fashtastic, where did you get your eyeliner from?
Eyeliner wearing consumer: Thanks bitch, it's Guyliner from Taxi.
Random Person: Dead to me!

C: Buy it?! Get the fuck outta here. Real men shoplift their make up. End of.

I wool always love you

2008-08-07T08:08:00.010+01:00

C: Like fashion, Britain has two season. These are called, Dull and Duller. Dull used to be known as summer, but it seems summer's on an extended holiday somewhere nice and sunny. Lucky it. London's given up longing for it to return, so last week, out came the woolies and jackets again. Phew. Frankly, without one or the other, I feel like Eva Green sans $3 billion in Montblanc diamonds dripping from my neck, and their owner dribbling at my side. Back to reality, let's check out some hot cardies. It's worth avoiding the basic cut, as it's been a staple for several years now, and is looking as tired as an Ibiza DJ. Go for chunk, double breasts (executed well) and detail.

From left to right
Top row: Folk @ oki-ni.com, Jay Sabatino
Middle row: both Topman
Bottom row: French Connection, ASOS

Mens Fall Campaigns

2008-08-05T23:58:00.011+01:00

Lanvin

A: Catholic School Boys w. Trust Funds Pt. 1
C: Dear God, hear my prayer: a Lanvin underwear campaign please. Same models. Cheers big beard.

Tom Ford Menswear

A: Christmas party looks? Already? I'm still in shorts?!
C: So that's what you get if you cross George Michael with a sofa. Liberace's lifting an eyebrow in his grave.

Kenzo

A: I guess I now know who will be buying up ad spaces in AXM & Attitude magazines this winter.
C: Pic left is so amazingly pointless. It's more like an ad to get gays to drink Blossom Hill.

Calvin Klein White Label

A: Sorry, I'm too busy prying my eyes open with matchsticks..... YAWN!
C: Go on! Shove her in. You know you want to.

Benetton

A: Maroon patterned tanks in Autumn. Yes. The Rest. No.
C: They make robots so pretty these days.

A: Fug

A: Fuglier
C: Benetton: 3 decades of the same old shit.

Dior

C: IGN that collar. The hand's a bit creepy tho. I imagine his fingers as being unnaturally long. Like ET.

Calvin Klein Underwear

A: I just love the irony of ads like these, due mainly to the high probability that person paying 40 pounds for a pair of these tighty whities looks like this...

Is Mad Men the new tailoring bible for men?

2008-08-05T19:39:00.011+01:00

A: I recently read that BBC Four's hit show 'Mad Men' is for men, what Sex and the City was for women in terms of fashion. Well it isn't, it's much better. The show, which revolves around the lives of advertising executives in the sixties, brilliantly showcases some of the finest bespoke tailoring oufits for men, which unlike most of the styles in Sex and the City, still look chic. Seriously, watching this show will make you want to burn those "It'll do" suits from Next/Burton/River Island.

Since only me and about 13 other people watch this show in the UK, I have decided to put some screen caps up of some recent episodes from the new second season which has just debuted in the US.

HomoElectric August...

2008-08-03T12:17:00.012+01:00

A: While on the trot again on Friday at Manchester's finest underground labyrinth, Legends, possibly the only place in the world where you actually have to queue to have a cigarette(!!!), I noticed a few themes in the clothing department amongst fellow attendees...

A: And then I saw this....

A:...... Hats people, we just don't see enough of them any more don't you think? Especially up here in the north, if it weren't for the camo pants, a gold star would have been awarded.

Plaid, Plaid, Everywhere!!!!

2008-07-30T00:09:00.007+01:00

A: Shoes, shirts, hats, trousers, socks, coats, blazers and probably even limited edition cock rings will be covered in plaid or tartan this fall, just remember, the heavier the fabric, the better.

C: Trends in menswear seem to snowball over several season, even a couple of years before becoming omnipresent and almost unavoidable. Skinny jeans, school plimsolls, pointed shoes, slim fit cuts - and plaids. A point comes when you need to ask if you're still happy being part of the herd.

Click the picture to enlarge

Amsterdam Street Style

2008-07-29T21:44:00.010+01:00

As promised, Versayce is bringing you street style on a global level. This week we take a look to see what our dutch fashion frenemies are wearing on the streets of Amersterdam. Courtesy of our friends over at DamStyle.

A: God, don't you just hate those Japanese kids!!!!! They can wear whatever they damn well want too and get away with it in broad daylight! They should be a law against this level of cuteness.

A: Geekalicious! This guy needs to teach all those 'Westwood boots rolled down' wearing queens a lesson!

A: Boy do I love purple and Boy Oh Boy do I love plum. This boy would have got a ten out of ten if it weren't for that arts and crafts hideocracy around his neck.
C: Yeah, wtf is that thing? An arts and crafts Speak'n'Spell?!

A: First Year fashion students alert! Duck & Cover! Don't try these looks at home kids! Serious case of the TTH (trying too hard) that needs to be remedied!
C: Mr Left - only androgynous guys can get away sporting granny's jacket. Surprisingly you're too butch for it. Mr Right - pointing your toes together doesn't make you look quirky. It makes you look like you're trying to look quirky.

A: This outfit is totally ridic. And I Love It!!!!!

A: Ahhhhhhhh... The old Allen Poe meets Comme Des Garcons look. This guy looks more tres-gic than tres-chic. Better luck next time!
C: Is he a street performer? It's a look I wanna toss coins at, for some reason.

For more Dutch looks, click on over to DamStyle

Manchester Style at Clique!

2008-07-29T20:54:00.008+01:00

A: While on the razz on Friday, I noticed amongst a flux of playsuits and lenseless glasses, a number of drool inducing shirts on the boys of Mancunia, here are a few of my favourites...

A: This Autumn, it's all about plaid & tartan for men, shirts like this are already started to pop up everywhere, from New Look to French Connection. I love how this guy jazzed it up by wearing a bow tie.

A: Usually 2 in 1 shirt combo's make me reach for sick bucket, but this one actually made grab my camera instead. The neckline really makes this top work. I am hoping to see more tops like this on the high street this season.

A: My favourite look of the evening. This vintage ethnic top makes me Hulk-green with envy.

Asos Sale!

2008-07-25T20:57:00.005+01:00

A: It's Offish people! The Asos sale is on(!), and let me tell you, it's "supa prima", with many items discounted at 50% and over! Click on the pictures above for some hand picked highlights from Maison Versayce.

Spring Summer 09' Trend Watch: Pink Pt. 2!! Primark Strikes Back!

2008-07-24T20:03:00.005+01:00

A: 6 pounds peeps. 6 pounds!!!!! Just when you thought Primark was beginning descend into men's immigrant & council estate fashion, the pound saving messiahs bitch slap you in the face with this piece of hotness. This cardie also comes in turquoise, black, charcoal & heather grey. Make sure you fetch these before the smaller sizes run out.

P.S. don't you just love how retarded my hand looks on the left?!

C: No matter how hot the pink, cardies leave me cold these days. It's a well trodden path that's not leading anywhere interesting. Unless of course, it's a well turned double-breasted number.

Foot Candy

2008-07-23T21:56:00.005+01:00

A: Trainers are for men, what designer handbags are for the ladies. For real. Looking at all of these together reminds me of my 'fat kid loving cake days', before moving on to crack footwear. On my recent Berlin trip I discovered this company, Creative Recreation, whose treats will make event the hardest of blokes pull an IGN (involuntary gay noise).

C: When I came across their website looking for these babies for Avi, I did just that. You know you've struck gold when there's a lump in your pants. Creative Rec innovate with one eye on the future and one on the street - it's just far enough ahead to look amaze without leaving the wearer feeling like a fick (fashion dick/german for "fuck").

Spring Summer 09' Trend Watch: Pink!

2008-07-23T21:15:00.003+01:00

A: Like it or not. Pink in every conceivable shade will be one of next year's biggest themes in men's collection. Now, don't get me wrong, I can't wait to get me some sharply tailored hot pink items, but the thought of millions of tanorexic queens rocking this look is enough to make me commit Homo-cide!

C: Hi, this is 2005 calling, can I reverse the charges please? Thanks. So, I was touting this, and no fucker bought it. Apart from probably David Beckham and few "professionals". Back up to date we have the persistently petulant Ronaldo waving the pink flag to widespread derision What's in a colour? Like it or no, I rinky-dink that pink is so far up hill that it can't come back down (without its tail between its legs). Decades of conditioning mean that pink is for Barbie, baby girls and nancy boys. Ridic but fact. Sale rails, prepare for swathes of rose and cerise.

Reykjavik Style

2008-07-15T19:52:00.008+01:00

Here at Maison Versayce, we like to think global. So without further ado, here are some of Reykjavik finest 'dressing up box' men's looks, with extra spice from C & A.

A: When grandma died, this dahling spawn was first in line for the fur coat, opting for vampiric pimp look for Spring/Summer 08'. Somebody hand me a cross and some garlic, asap.
C: Mm..mm...mmmm...MULLET!
A: Double Breasted Cardigans. Hot. Badly made ones. Not. Neither are those fug bowling shoes. Dis-missed.
C: Yuck! More colours than a decorator's overalls.
A: Leggings on men. Never a good look. This guy is suffering from a serious case of TTH (trying to hard)!!!
C: Who told Axel Rose about NuRave?! Hello operator, Folice please.

A: Effortlessly chic. The turqouise shoes and funky knitwear definitely put this Homme in to my plus column.
C: Hair: check. Beard: check. Cable knit: check. Shoes: check. We've got ourselves a winner! Please see me round the back for your prize.

Photos courtesy of Reykjavik Looks

Brass 'n' Pocket

2008-07-13T23:10:00.012+01:00

mirror model's own

C: IGN alert! Topman has a viciously tempting line of jackets from Self Self Self. Resistance has never been a strong point of mine and must shamefully report that I actually walked around the store jealously clutching this number, until I could make it mine at the alter of cash & love. (Someone did pick it up whilst I was trying on some shoes. Ever seen a lioness protecting her cubs? Exactly). I love detail in the cut, its miliarty domed brass buttons and the fact that it's made out of jersey material which I normally hate. Love.

A: The details on the lapels & sleeves really give this quirky little number a good edge over other militaristic jackets on the high street at the moment. Not too sure about the shorts & stripy top combo though Craigy, someone might think you had a faneurysm (fashion aneurysm). A softly tailored blazer would have been more suitable for this 'short suit' look.

Etsy Corner: Miss Nopales Art T-Shirts

2008-07-13T22:01:00.007+01:00

A: If you're going out on the razz and don't wanna look too TTH (trying too hard), t shirts are the way to go. Problem is, about 20 other people will probably be wearing the same urban outfitters tee you just bought. Why not hop on over here and check out these 'Supa Kawaii' tops, which are dirt cheap & best of all, come in eight different colors. I want me some parachuting squirrels, how bout you?

C: Ooo, they soo cute I just did a little sickie in my mouthy. For less Silvanian Families, me & yu based in Blackpool/Manchester do great screen printed tees and tops (see below). And for a savvy round up of what's fresh, you can't go far wrong with quick scroll down the fat seagull.

A: There are only 2 places for salmon; the final reductions rail and my plate.

Blue Collar Fun!

2008-07-13T19:08:00.004+01:00

A: Navy pinstripe suit. Full Price. H&M. 45 pounds??!?!?!?
Ok, so ain't no Armani, but who gives a shit. It's 45 pounds! Gotta love those Swedes!

C: Working that neckerchief like a pro Avi. (see previous post on this flamboyant subject)

Rose Tinted Visors

2008-07-11T19:24:00.006+01:00

A: Fun, Cheap & Cheerful. Three words I usually associate with; a bottle of cherry Lambrini, WAGs & press on nails. But now I can add these sunglasses too! Available to buy here. Perfect for those morning when your pupils are like black holes.

C: I suffer terminal hangovers. Yesterday I would have gone to A&E to beg to be anaesthetised, except I didn't have shades dark enough to shield my eyes from the cruel, poisonous sunlight. Because I've a pea head, I struggle to find anything which doesn't make me look like a child trying on his grandad's glasses. Burton - yes, much maligned Burton - came to the rescue with these beauties for only £8 in the sale. Je vous aime Burton.

The 'Bass'

2008-07-10T22:13:00.007+01:00

A: Whether you love or hate Gossip Girl, you gotta give it its dues for one thing. Not every teenage boy is in a bloody pair of chinos and an over sized gap shirt. One of its main characters, Chuck Bass, rocks more flamboyant looks than a speed addicted queen in a Patricia Field boutique. Keep it up for season 2 GG peeps. Keep. It. Up!

Lanvin Fall Accessories

2008-07-10T21:46:00.003+01:00

A: Effeminate tailoring is all the rage this coming winter, although I'm not quite sure every man will be routing through mums 80's M&S collection come September. Still, if you prefer a not so subtle touch of flagrancy this fall, Lanvin have some lovely treats for your selection. I am particularly loving the feathered bow ties & satin gloves (which should juxtapose nicely against heavy, dark fabrics). A glue gun and a bouquet of cheap flowers are also on my list. (Click the picture to enlarge)

Pan's People

2008-07-09T00:34:00.006+01:00

C: When I was just a little boy, I ask my mother - what would I be? Wisely what she didn't say was I'd still be wearing pajamas at the age of 32. This trend has been mooted for about a year, and it's still pushing its sleepy little head out of the fashion pages. I think it's whack. But what do I know? Que sera, sera.

Naomi & Stefano Pilati's Love Affair Pt. III

2008-07-08T23:25:00.004+01:00

A: I promised myself I would stop posting pictures of Naomi. But then La Campbell decided to dropkick me in the face with this image. Could it be any more ferosh!!?!?

C: I wonder what that hair smells like. My guess is Puerto Rican street child.

Men's Autumn Campaigns

2008-07-08T22:54:00.010+01:00

PradaA: Who is this advert aimed for? Eco friendly waiters who ride their bicycles to work?

C: Looks like a kinky little bum bag he's got round his waspish waist. And that vest is totally what the netball girls wore at primary school. Ridic.

D&G

A: David Beckham. Ovah!

Missoni

A: One Word. Yes.
C: Certainties in life: death, tax, and every vintage store is full of totally hideous men's jumpers. Give me death. At least it comes in plain black.

Valentino

A: This is a warning for you all you make up counter queens. Plucked eyebrows are never hot on men, even if your a fucking model. Put down the leopard print tweezers.
C: Here here. Once you've plowed the furrow (divided a mono-brow in two) leave well alone. Plucked-to-fuck is ball shrinkingly effeminate. Simple as. No arguments. (Gorgeous collar on that shirt tho, just the right side of Eton).

Blessed Be Our Tee's

2008-07-07T23:36:00.004+01:00

A: God & Jesus are like the colour black, always in vogue and go with everything! But just because you need to go to church doesn't mean you have to rock the polygamist compound look. Why don't you exile over here and get yourself some hot new Sunday looks.
C: Whoa! People, Jews for Jesus seem to have interrupted today's broadcast. We hope to resume our regular service right after this crucifixion...

Riech Chic

2008-07-07T19:58:00.004+01:00

A: Forget Matza Balls this Hannuka! It's time to join the Pink Gestapo!

C: Sniff-sniff. What's that? Ah, the scented whiff of a 50's housewife. The knotted neckerchief seems to be an emerging trend, but don't expect to see it popping up in your local sports bar. This is one pansy look I think even the most metro of metros will leave to the pros.

Up to 60% Off at Acne Jeans....

2008-07-05T20:44:00.004+01:00

A: Here is what I love about summer sales. I get to buy lots of things I don't need and can't really afford. But like a good Jewish boy I'm getting a bargain so who cares! The Swedes are 'the' people to go to for quirky yet practical (Mesh shoes not included) menswear, and Acne are no exception. I am literally salivating over that double breasted blazer.... If only they had my size left.... Click here for sale delights!

Let's Hear it for the Boys: Stefano Pilati

2008-07-05T00:36:00.005+01:00

A: Creative Director of YSL, Stefano Pilati arrived at the opening of the company's new Dover St Market store with every queen's favourite type of accessory, a supermodel who can behead you in 2 seconds flat. I am love love loving his outfit, from the navy blazer to the New Balance shoes (that all the poor kids used to wear at my school cause they couldn't afford Jordan dunks).

C: Perfection without effort. Note: the pocket handkerchief (square edged only). Choosing a size too small (quirky & hot). The John Lennon shades (set to replace the black acetate frame as specs of choice for the style savvy). He looks better than a ten inch dick, and he knows it!

Sale Treats: Topman Design Sunglasses

2008-07-05T00:20:00.004+01:00

A: A few months ago, Topman Design brought out a collection of exclusive sunglasses from some of the freshest designers around for 50 pounds a pop and guess what........... They all looked like they had just fell off the back of a Lorry on it's way to Clapham market, so nobody gave a shit. Anyway, all of these can be yours for less than a pair of NHS prescription glasses at specsavers at 20 bob each here. I'd go for the spakky NHS ones instead, much more street cred.

Introducing.... The Medge!

2008-07-03T23:25:00.005+01:00

A: Hot and fresh outta the toaster for Mr. Sarkozy from Fendi for Spring/Summer 09', the man wedge has arrived (aka Medge). I am developing a love hate relationship with this creation. I know I should be shaking my head in disgust, but secretly I am already waiting for a topman version..... This is what happens when your mother openly encourages you to wear leopard print tops when you're 15.

C: Crime against fashion!! It's ok readers. I've called the Folice and a Fambulance for my poor bleeding eyes. I will now try a little reverse psychology for the good of mankind: these beauties are gonna be a massive hit, you'll see them everywhere (fingers crossed people).

2008-07-03T00:17:00.006+01:00

A: I had serious doubts about starting a fashion blog last week. I mean who are we to give advice, when there are rogue connoisseurs like this guy leading the way, modeling spring/summer's finest rent boy looks. A true Versayce icon.

C: I can't get sound on this at the mo. If I did I'd probably hit my screen with a brick. Bless the trustafarians for keeping fashion's wheels a-turning with their unearned cash. But Christ they wanna make hit the button marked EXTERMINATE.

Day Birger wt Mikkelsen for Men, Now at ASOS!

2008-07-02T21:50:00.008+01:00

A: Deprivation is a good friend to those of us living outside of London, especially when it comes to gorgeous scandinavian menswear. Danish company Day Berger et Mikkelsen's ethnicly inspired ladies clothes have been around on our shores (and netaporter) for a while now, ensuring many a girl with smocky comfort fun.

Asos is now stocking a small capsule mens collection, which to be fair isn't all that exciting when you compare it to the ace look book released earlier this year, but these two garments (pictured above) have grown on me somewhat with their casual charm. Here's hoping that asos bring some of these looks in...

Gratuitous Fash Pic

2008-07-02T08:49:00.002+01:00

A:She will fuck you up. And you will love it.
C: Venus fly trap - now available in black.

Yes Please.

2008-07-01T22:11:00.004+01:00

A: Razor sharp points on your toe tappers are hot for A/W. These little babies from Swear are a hot little buy, perfect for office and evening. The elasticated sides also provide some much needed comfort for those of us with wider feet. Smash & grab these babies, cause they are going faster than a wag wedding OK! special.

C: I hate to disagree (actually I don't. I love it). I gave away all my pointies over a year ago. When a trend takes over, it's OVA. The look is dated. I love the geometric styling, but a snub-nosed toe would have set it apart from 10s of similar pairs of pointies being flogged in River Island & Top Man. And black patent always, always looks tth. Great if you're doing exactly that for a flash night out, but worn in the office?! You may as well drink your Nastycafe out of a lead crystal gobblet. No one loves a ponce, do they?

Etsy Corner

2008-07-01T21:54:00.003+01:00

A: Etsy is a shit hot destination to pick up some original accessories (that no one else shall have!!) for dirt cheap prices. Unfortunately it is a major bitch find anything you actually want on there. Here at Palais de Versayce we hand pick the good stuff for you. These brooches from Holly Modine Studio are uber cuteness and only cost a few quid each. The pin up girl pins would look great with some vintage tweeds & woolly scarves.

John Galliano s/s 09

2008-06-30T23:41:00.014+01:00

C: Sometimes, less is more. The only thing that didn't come down the runway was a leather kitchen sink.
(Top row is whacksville, bottom shows some highly wearable pieces)

A: Fresh for summer festivals from the house of Galliano. Now you can feel free to deficate yourself whilst watching your favourite hot new band! The low slung crotch's vibrant print provides a fantastic camo-effect for all things brown & yellow.

Anne Demeulemeester s/s 09

2008-06-29T19:28:00.007+01:00

A: One Word. Yes. I love this collection so much I actually wanna get addicted to crack so I can be skinny enough by next year in order to pull off those gorgeous jumpsuits next year. As opposed to many others collections shown this season, the fabrics seemed a lot softer and lighter. The tailoring was also fantastic, in particular the triple breasted blazers and patterned waist coats, inspired by Hermann Hesse. Thank god Demeulemeester redeemed the cred of the pensioners after the seriously fugtastic outfits Yohji threw their way.

C: As the ultimate accessory in 2006 was an adopted African orphan, so it looks certain that 09's must-have will be a gent in his 3rd age. Keeping ahead of the curve, last weekend I scored myself an octogenarian Shoreditch gallery owner, who plied me with strong coffee and amazing stories about theatre land "Ethel Merman – there was a monster on stage!". I’ll check what he thinks about this rash of wrinklies on the catwalks. As for Demeulemeester's bucolic fantasy, I’m well known to be as romantic as an ABS breaking system. All that floppy haired Bryon and Rambeau in the country stuff leaves me checking my Kurt Geigers for cow pat. Lovely work thought if you like that bo-faux thing.

Razzle Dazzle 'Em Margiela!

2008-06-29T12:35:00.007+01:00

A: Belgium's finest must have had a serious case of the night fever when putting together this collection. The white suits, an avalanche of sequins, tuxedo striped trousers. Luxury 70's gear is shaping up to be one the major key trends for S/S 09' for men. I wouldn't be surprised to see those sequined blazers and bibbed shirt being emulated on to the high street just in time for christmas either.

C: Great, I can fish out my black shirt with sequin panels and pass it off as Margiela. It was from Burton. 2 years ago. It's all a bit Zara isn't it? Those pieces are eye candy alright, but the rest of the collection was meh. This has an uncomplicated ugliness which baffles me to tears:

Cravin' raven: Comme des Garcon s/s 09

2008-06-29T11:36:00.010+01:00

C: CdG's show was a sepulchral spectacle of beautifully layered pants, skirts, jackets and shirts. Playing with proportions is reverse Russian roulette and most gamers blow their face off, leaving us to look at an unappealing mess. CdG hit the empty barrel (most of the time). Black can absorb a huge amount of detail without ever looking ridiculous, and though some of the frills and skirts take the clothes to the extreme edge of gender ambiguity, the collection looked absolutely wearable. Yes. I want a black skirt. I wonder what my sister's got...

A: You know when you see those Hari Krishna clans prancing around? You know how there is like, always one white guy tagged along at the end that is going through some sort of mid life crisis? Well for spring 09' he has the perfect skirts to drown himself in on your nearest high street. I can't wait to see Collette trying to pass those skirts off on to mindless fashion drones next year.

Donatella Versace is Delusional!

2008-06-28T19:51:00.009+01:00

This past week in Milan, the Mock Croc'ed diva Donatella Versace dedicated her Men's Spring '09 show to Barack Obama. Ok...Why don't you just ask him to attach a bumper sticker of your trout pout to his arse!! I mean, I am sure gay friendly middle America would just love to see their future president in these ensembles...

p.s. can I get that trench in navy Miss Versayce?

2008-06-27T20:43:00.007+01:00

A: Fashion editor Suzy Menkes is one lucky bitch. A private tour of the new Tom Ford store in Milan by the queen himself. The new store aports a tres fabu range of accessories, including leather goods and walking sticks(?!?). The suits look amazing, as do the scent collections (which probably all smell like a variation of white musk...... i kid....). I am saving up as we speak.... hopefully in 2011 I will be able to afford a ball of yarn from there.

p.s. WTF is that man exfoliating with?! A knuckle duster?! I could literally see the camera's reflection on his forehead!

C: Forget Jesus. This man works miracles. Forget David Copperfield. He may have made the Statue of Liberty disappear, but Tom Ford moved the immovable: the suit trouser hem. That sartorial masterstroke not only set him apart from every other suit maker in the pack and made his name, it sent ripples throughout men's fashion. Right now, trend setters in London are walking round in their shortened strides showing at bit of ankle. And that's because of Tom Ford. This is our mini skirt. Viva la revolution. (And hasn't he got the voice of a magician too? Spooky!)

Pensioners For Yohji!

2008-06-27T19:46:00.006+01:00

A: Welcome to the fabulous world of tramps & hustlers..... Even though these clothes are bringing on some serious FUG, I have to say it is refreshing to see models on the runway who actually represent the only people who actually have enough money to buy this crap..... Here is an example of how not to do colour blocking for men's tailoring (unlike Jil Sander). It seems as if Mr. Yamamoto let some blind child loose on his design sketches with a box of leftover Crayolas....

C: Wow, I thought, what a brave move. But like jumping into the sea to rescue a drowning dog most brave acts are stupid. Men go to seed faster than a flock of starving parakeets. Except that would probably look pretty. This doesn't. Hurry up you pharmaceutical giants and make male HRT. You gave the old dogs viagra, but what's the point of that if no bitch wants to lick your bone 'cus you FUG. And the clothes? That'll be all Mr Yamamoto.

Dapper Delights

2008-06-27T19:14:00.007+01:00

A: Hot and Fresh out of a Vietnamese factory oven for A/W 09, this gorgeous dark grey blazer with black satin lapels is a total winner. At 100 pounds it does seem at little over priced but one could see it as an investment as it can be versatile (worn with black/white skinnys, matching trousers etc..). Add some patent accessories to this slim fit mofo in order to guarantee maximum pulling effect.

C: That is desirable. However this (below) from Kilgour's debut collection in Paris yesterday caused me to make the IGN (involuntary gay noise). See. Love. Buy.

Dries Van Noten: s/s 09

2008-06-27T12:05:00.010+01:00

C: Very average show from Van Noten, although we're told it's all about touch not look. This isn't the braille olympics, it's fashion. Feed. My. Eyes. Lots of black teamed with navy, which I love, and a nice detail was the small, soft rounded collar on shirts. But the bodybag jumpsuit in hurt-your-eyes fabric?!

A: Although it may seem like a jump suit, its actually a shirt and trousers, whoever styled that look needs to be banned from the a/w 10' runways. Period. On the whole though, in my opinion this was one of Dries' stronger collections in the past few seasons. There was a lot of beautiful soft tailoring and some gorgeous coats. The navy satin single breasted mac made me jump for my wallet, only to realise I am one of the rif raff...

Gratuitous Fash Pic

2008-06-27T00:41:00.000+01:00

*This Bow shaped cuff doubles as a clitoral stimulator.

Novelty clothes are fun, when you are Special!

2008-06-27T00:29:00.000+01:00

Now we love us a bit of AA (american apparel), but gimmicky tops just piss me off!!! This new thermostatic t shirt changes it's colour according to temperature/ body heat. Great. That's just what a guy needs. His man boobs accentuated in a sweaty club under UV lighting. Craig help me out here.

She looks like she's got flour on her hands. Oh wait, if it's AA it'll just be cocaine. Snooze. I lived through that shit in the early 90s. It was crap then, and it sure is retro crap now. Die dye.

Madame Wintour gets her very own Butt Boy!

2008-06-27T00:09:00.003+01:00

A: Forgoing a classic chanel quilted 2.55 for your very own Hollywood gigolo is sooooooooooooo 09'. Fuck the hobo bag. Anna knows its all about body-con for men next year and is wasting no time in promoting it by dragging this hot number around town with her. Meanwhile her spawn has been spotted tweaking over Alexander Wang's sample sale in NY.

C: There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's battering La Wintour's fish for dinner. Ugh. I mean, what did the guy eat at dinner - a sofa? Look how the jacket button is about to pop off and assassinate the first pap it shoots into. I've noticed the AW's been snapped more and more without her trademark Vader-black shades. It's like when the builders take down scaffolding from an old building after major renovations to reveal an exterior untouched by time. But no matter how young it appears, we all know it's been on the block for more years than anyone cares to remember.