Dicing the Collections: Thom Browne S/S 2009

A: Thom Browne, the man responsible for the 'shrunken suit' look (mid wrist jackets, calf length trousers) showed his new collection in NY this month, and the results were unfortunately more mixed than a bag of revels (come on, you know you only have two flavours in mind when you buy that packet). The tennis themed collection more often than not was just simply ridic!

A: Romper suits, Tulle underskirts paired with blazers, bath robes dressed up with evening coats? WTF?! Don't get me wrong, I love innovation in menswear and most of my blazers barely graze my elbow but come on.... Is this man trying to create new wearable looks for us or just trying to grab some column inches. Desperately TTH (trying too hard)!!!

C: Model 3 from the left's face sums it all up: I feel more of a dick than an army tent full of Thai whores.

A: Tennis skirts for men, haven't we seen those before? Oh yeah, on your average Wednesday Tranny themed night at your local gay hot spot! Unfortunately, most of the men rocking this mishap will be 40 year old men who chose to find a new 'softer' self rather than buy a Porsche during their mid life crisis. And the trousers hanging off the balls, to quote Project Runway judge Nina Garcia "I have alot of problems with this look, that's just the tip of the iceberg".

But not all was bad...


A: Nautical jackets with silk piping, short suits with fabulous prints , jacquard printed fabrics all served as fresh, easy(er) to wear looks that wouldn't bring on the gay bashing outside of major capital cities. I am particularly loving the belted detail on the jacquard shorts.

C: Model far left - "Lawyer seeks buxom dominatrix for naughty school boy spanking sessions"


A: The accessories were rather cute too, although nothing to really worth getting wrinkles over... The patent toe caps idea could have been pushed a bit further... Perhaps some 2 toned ones next season please?

Oh and one last thing....


A: I'm sorry, but I'm completely at loss about what to say about this outfit, since I have gone spontaneously blind, C help me out here please...

C: 40-Hate, Mr Browne.

NY Fashion Week Report: 3.1 Phillip Lim S/S 09

A: Every September & January, style editors, models, buyers, celebutants, divas & various assistants and entourage members don their finest apparel and flock between the four major fashion capitals of the globe in order to get the first scoop on what's hot next season. Thankfully for us, we have the blogosphere, style.com and the comfort of our own bedrooms to write from and bring you tidbits from various shows, so we don't have to move an inch.

Unfortunately though, most of the runways in these months are dedicated to the female specimen, but a few select designers (who were probably to cheap too cough enough dough to shell out on a separate show) chose to integrate their fashion shows. Yay for us right?! Not so much this week, since the fash pack has stationed itself in New York, the land of casual sportswear, henceforth a severe lacking of anything new and fresh to report on.

But this morning while eyeballing the Rodarte women's collection, a shining thumbnail gleamed into my peripheral encasing a pair of men's snake skin lace ups, feverishly clicking on it I discovered the men's segment of the 3.1 Phillip Lim collection

A: Although only about 7 or 8 looks were shown on the runway, they were all I really needed to replace the usual double espresso shot I have on my way to work this morning, and the accessories were TO D.I.E!!! The 2 toned snake skin lace ups made me have an aneurysm, as did the tan coloured envelop document folder *fetches a drool bucket*.



A: Ok, distractions aside (and in an imaginary shopping bag), the clothes were effortlessly gorgeous. Fitted double breasted jackets were paired up with loose fitting trousers, or 7/8th length ones, snake skinned beauties with mesh fabric socks and geometric print tee's with statement neck pieces.

Let's hope next year will bring us a full men's collection by Mr. Lim.

Keep that motor running!

I could teach that Siegfried Fraud a thing or two about psychology. Today, whilst frazing in the over-grown jungle of Oxford Street I experience that rare, primordial phenomena: the Snatch-Buy. Whereas the IGN (involuntary gay noise) comes from a place beyond our conscious control (the subconscious eh, Fraud?); the Snatch-Buy is from the lowest level of our brains. It's a motor instinct.

There I was having little more than a disinterested glance over H&M flagship's usual unappealing stirfry of men's accessories, when BAM!! Without even the split second it takes to IGN, my hand shot out and grabbed. And at the same instant my brain froze and fist tightened, as possession of the article became the sole focus of living for the next few moments.

Fortunately in the modern world we rarely (apart from sale time) have to fight to make something ours. We invented the credit card for that. World peace followed. Even better that this particular Snatch-Buy costs less than a packet of 20 (£4.99).

About a year ago I tried to make one of these babies out of an old bowtie and some fabric. The missing element from this was any practical talent on my part. It made the Heidelberg disaster look like a grazed knee. Trust. I do love it when the High Street catches up with what I want.


A: Order has been placed to London Versayce HQ for one of these. C will send one to avoid a possible death sentence. Add some lace to this baby for full dark romance effect.

Nuts & Belts: Hip Hugging Goodness

A: When planning one's seasonal wardrobe, the belt is an item often glossed over. This simple accessory can really bring an outfit together though, and help complete a look. In line with this coming fall's themes/trends I thought it might be useful to offer up some leathery waist cinchers. Please notice the absence of any belts baring the words "Jesus Loves You". Sorry guys, any belts baring over sized logos or silly phrases tend to give an impression to the general public that you have extreme brain leakage.

Clockwise from top: Asos Platted Belt, Mark & Spencer Lizard Effect Stripe Leather Belt, Topman Brown Lizard Belt, Burton Perforated Leather Belt, Burton Grey Skinny Belt, Asos Studded Belt.

Chuck Bass is Back!!

A: Well well, for those of us in not so sunny England, hasn't the summer been a tad bleak? Horrible menopausal weather, Tory takeover, the return of casual sweatpants on the streets, I could go on... Thankfully, autumn has begun, which means better clothes, less beer guts and most importantly, new seasons of our fave American shows. Probably the most highly anticipated for me was the return of Gossip Girl, which began its second season yesterday in the states. Over the past few months, every fashion mag has been focusing their pages on the clothes worn by the ladies of this wildly entertaining teen soap . Now it's time for Maison Versayce to take a glimpse into the men's fashion in the show, mainly worn by the character Chuck Bass (who like every rich New Yorker is vacationing at the Hamptons). Time to rate those looks!

A: Casual & sporty. In short, American fashion. Just OK. Cute hat tho. C+

C: Pete Doherty does beach wear. Stripes: on deck chairs timeless; on guys 2005. D

A: I loved this check shirt. The mixture of Blue, Orange & Cream is delish. Would have been nicer as a long sleeve shirt tho. B

C: Did he pull those flowers from under his shirt, cus it sure looks like there are a few more presents under the Christmas tree. No charm in this look. It's totally perfunctory. D

A: Part of me is screaming "OMFG! Where can I buy this shirt!", while the other part in me is screaming "Paul & Shark meets tacky queen on cruise". B-

C: S'ok. C

A: Gak Attack! Pistachio is a color that rarely should be seen outside of Hagen Daz carton. Quite frankly that colour and the mixture with the check print is nauseating. F

C: FUCK! Willy Wonker meets Will Young. These colours remind me of bathroom suites from the early 80s. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeedick. Ungraded.

A: Abercrombie & Fitch product placement alert. Bleugh!

C: Hey, who's the father Chuck? Wearing a shirt the extends below the gut back onto narrower hips is the sartorial version of jazz hands whilst you fuck up your solo. Good to see he's accessorising with a Diet Coke. C for (weight control) effort.

A: OK, so technically this ain't The Bass, but I love the mixture of different creams and textures and especially the collar on his shirt. B+

C: Points lost because the tie just isn't elegant enough for a winged-collar; look how it bulks around the neck. I do like the wit in attempting to dress up linen though. B

A: At the Hamptons white party, Chuck decides to mix it up a bit with some black piping on his lapels and black & cream neckerchief. I usually hate all white outfits on men (or women, actually), but the Bass really pulls this off amazingly. A+

The Effiminate Male Part 2: Mantyhose

A: There a few moments when I thank my size 9 feet that I am actually a man. Like when a female friend gets that raging look in her eyes that reads "crimson tsunami approcahing", or when said female ends up getting a shard of a corona bottle in her foot after having to take her 4 inch heels off. I also consider myself lucky that I don't have to deal with the itchy gratings of tights around my belt line, which leads me to wonder why in hell any man would actually want to wear these (fuck the cold, get some American Apparel Thermal Leggings to fit under your pants instead). Available from E-Mancipate (insert puns in comment box please...)

C: Ser-weeet Jesus. That is madder than Whitney on crack in a traffic jam. Take it away, right away, it's injured my face. My frown lines are so deep, they're like builders' butt-cracks. Gah!